God, Others, and me

No 'Sixteen Tons', But The Rest of The Song Holds True

2011-12-29T18:42:00.001-08:00

"You load sixteen tons, and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt." As the year is starting at a break-neck pace, I sit and try very hard not to be discouraged. Employment is a pipe dream since I have been a stay-home dad for fifteen years. Pam is working as much as a human can, and yet we are still behind on our bills, to the point of scary. I really messed up my last semester at RCC last year, and can not reenter school without major hassle.

I could regale you with the tale of how I was screwed at CBU and due to my personal naivete with the system fell one social science class, a mere three hours short of a B.A. degree back in 2009. But suffice it to say, I have learned many hard lessons after all the scholastic ones these last two years. So I plan to pass this last Sociology class this next year --- 2012 to be exact --- even if I have to get into school with a few extraneous classes. Then, with my Bachelor Degree, I hope to start substitute teaching in order to aid the family income, as well as make contacts and look at schools I would prefer to work in when my credentialing program is complete.

I know God has a big plan for me, if I would kindly get out of His way - but even still He is showing me daily that I am a huge canvas not yet completed for framing. This whole money thing wouldn't bother me if it didn't bother Pam. Her level of stress and all the responsibility for a house, vehicles, electricity, food, and the other essentials make it hard not to feel guilt and self-loathing about the fix we are in. Every day I think, "If I had done this", or "if I would just have done that" which don't help one iota toward a solution.

I have been rejected by Wallmart, Sam's Club, Circle K, Kohl's, Target, Subway, and Corona Regional Med Center in the last 4 or 5 months. I know I am whining, I know I am not solving anything, and I know that nothing productive can come from this rant. I simply hate my current station in life as a neutered hound and wish that something productive for me would happen along. Volunteering at the high school for the Parent-Teacher Organization is fun, but it doesn't ease Pam's burden. I simply sing, "Saint Peter don't you call me 'cuz I can't go ---- I owe my soul to the student loans."

Making Hard Choices

2011-11-08T12:28:00.000-08:00

It is interesting to me that the Penn State Football program has never been under investigation for illegal NCAA violations, and Coach Joe Paterno has been exalted for four decades as the poster boy for clean, and winning football. However, in these new and frightening allegations about an assistant coach and all the cover up surrounding the alleged incident, it seems that men in charge of lives of young men and a multi-million dollar program need to be above reproach. This character is not just in the absence of cheating to get the best players, but in the guidance of those young people whom many parents entrust to lead their children.

This alleged crime in the locker room of Penn State University is a ironic twist to the movie "Courageous", about the correlation between leadership by men and a healthy society. Men, i.e. fathers, coaches, pastors, and peace officers all are responsible for youth. What does it say about a man who knows a felony crime was committed in his domain and only did the absolute minimum to keep his own nose clean? In all this garbage coming out about the Assistant Coach, the Head Coach, and the Athletic Director along with the cover up, not one of the people has worried about the youth involved.

Where are you men of courage, are you willing to stand up to do what is needed, to make the hard choices, and not just what gets you by? This is sad on so many levels - stuff we see every day in the news, in the schools, and on the streets is so awful, and the weak of heart need not get involved. There is a scene in the movie where the veteran Christian officer is talking to the young officer about God as Judge and the conversation is about good does not outweigh bad deeds for entrance to heaven. I find this amazingly appropriate here. Paterno, his AD, and coaches have all been judged by the sports media in light of a body of work and not one awful felonious act.

To Be Resolute

2010-12-29T23:46:00.000-08:00

It is time for the New Year to begin. During this post Christmas week, people do many things. Some clean and prepare for the new year. Others party 'like it's 1999' all over again. Some take winter vacations to "get away" and recharge for the upcoming grind. No matter how you spend the week between Christmas and New Year's Day, most people at one time or another have made those ominous resolutions. Lose a specific amount of weight, read that book gathering dust all these years, exercise a specific amount, spend more time "smelling the roses", quality time with family, praying more, eat less, etc. Every resolution starts with vigor and vitality, while the vast majority end in inconspicuous anonymity, some just days into January.

Ironically, the term 'resolution' comes from the root of a Middle English word for resolute: to stand firmly resolved or determined. To be steadfast in thought and deed. However, with this wasted ritual of making and breaking "resolutions", we have turned it into a word more identified with flakiness, good intentions, or recipes for failure. Well I have a plan to repair this definition.

How about allowing God, the Creator of all things, the Beginning and the End, sanction into your heart, or your life? He never required any of us to be perfect, righteous, or completely holy - He simply asks us to let Him in, and allow Him to be in charge of the clean up. Our society has become so "me" oriented, (a whole generation has been labeled "the 'Me' Generation) and thus refuse to give anything power OVER them, that this whole God, Creator, Jesus, Savior talk is simply a joke. I see too many friends and acquaintances whose self worth is so shallowly based that ridicule and mockery, many times with extreme hostility is the defense. Sadly, there needs to be no defense.

The parable Jesus told in the book of Matthew chapter 13 about a farmer and seeds that there are different folks and the same message gets to each one differently.
18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.” (NIV)

As a Christian, I simply don't preach a lifestyle and live it another way. However, it is easy to find my flaws as I am human and prone to error. The only resolution I have is to dedicate my life daily to be more like Jesus. That means when my children have pushed every button I have and I have that moment of seeing them as "pop art" on or through my wall, I seek the peace from the Prince of Peace. When I am so frustrated and downhearted because this world has judged me incorrectly, I work to not despair, but seek refuge in God's ultimate plan for me and my wife and family. There is so much to do, and so many folks run around professing and yet living for themselves. Jesus told us He stands at the door of our heart and knocks, and to those who let Him in He brings communion, fellowship, and sustenance. (Rev. 3.20 NIV)

Responsibility Challenged People Make Me Sad

2010-11-14T19:19:00.000-08:00

I truly wonder if Roger Goodell sometimes sits in his office and wonders, " Will these players ever get the message?" Moronic and irresponsible behavior by men who are in years considered grown-up, yet have been coddled and given permission to act in manners unbecoming humanity, and so many of these 'men' give every parent pause to rethink even allowing any of our children to watch them play, let alone read the newspaper or Internet news about their exploits. Commish Roger has fined and suspended so many players it seems ridiculous. The saga of Denver Broncos' former defensive captain D. J. Williams is found here.

Braylon Edwards has shown that he is a bone head for two teams and he was given every opportunity to be smart and simply chose to be a bad choice maker. Ben Roethlisberger got two cracks at sexual misconduct or whatever you want to call it. Players are paid ultra millions, for endorsements and salaries, and still they take no responsibility for their actions and behaviors.

D. J. was arrested and charged, Coach McDaniels stripped him of his captaincy, fined him and made him sit for the opening defensive series versus the Chiefs. His behavior during and after the game shows an even bigger prima donna as reported in Yahoo.com here. Who poured the adult beverages down his throat? Who made him drive after consuming all those beverages? Who told him not to use the limo service provided by the NFL to every player? So, since all those answers are obvious, why is he so upset at his teammates and coach? What a spoiled brat!

I've Known Some Precocious 4 Year Olds, But This is Ridiculous

2010-11-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

Why is this country in such a mess? Why are there people who believe that we don't belong in other countries fighting their battles for and with them? Why are our government officials so afraid of losing their jobs that they will say ANYTHING to get re-elected? Why can one American exploit our laws and attempt to douse, curtail, or even squash another Americans rights? These are heavy and important questions. However, the most pressing thing on my mind today is how a State Supreme Court Judge from Manhattan, New York can with a clear conscience and in his right mind declare a set of four year olds liable in a lawsuit over an accident involving an 87 year old woman, two kids and two bicycles with training wheels.

It seems cut and dried to me that the two 4 year old bikers hitting the woman was a tragic accident. Her death just weeks later is horrible. I can see the court holding the mom liable since she was at the scene. But sincerely, what is our country eroding into when a court of law can uphold a lawsuit against four year old children at play?

The article is here.

Please read this judge's decision and explain where we as a country are headed!

My Walk

2010-10-06T06:45:00.000-07:00

Scratch it out with pad and pen -
Miserable, shaken, all trust amiss -
My heart on paper - I must begin -
As low feeling as betrayal's kiss -

I see the path, but still I stray -
My weakness Lord, You know so well -
Your Light of Truth burns everyday -
Forfeiting glory for this human shell -

Reaching for Your hand, dear Jesus -
I need Your touch of grace -
To have Your gentle leading -
Warmth and peace in Your embrace -

Every day there's more to do -
Your gifts are for the taking -
People clamour for a tangible You -
That is me, no longer faking -

Reaching for Your hand, dear Jesus -
I need Your touch of grace -
To have Your gentle leading -
Warmth and peace in Your embrace -

When I'm weak, You are the strongest -
I come up short, You hold the longest -
Your still small voice is my solitary guide -

Reaching for Your hand, dear Jesus -
I need Your touch of grace -
To have Your gentle leading -
The warmth and peace of Your embrace -

An Important Decision

2010-10-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

This morning in the teeth of getting my children ready for and to school, along with the carpool of teens I am responsible for two to three mornings per week, My iPod was playing it's eclectic mix of pop, rock, jazz, and contemporary christian tunes - we have the little gizmo that plays your tunes through the car speakers - and I came upon a tremendous as well as enlightened thought: write a song, and include the word "imagine" in the title. Back to back this morning John Lennon and MercyMe played, and it came to me to pen my own song to include the concept so as to predestine (not in the spiritual sense) the song to be great, and consequently give my words, thoughts, and feelings an avenue larger than my parents, wife and a couple of my kids to hear me. So much for thinking.

How Would Mark Twain Have Handled This?

2010-09-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

We despise all reverences and all the objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our own list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.
- Mark Twain from Following the Equator

This whole nonsense with burning the Quran (Koran) - the holy Muslim scriptures - and all the political hoohah and international fervor has made me think, "If Mark Twain was still alive, what new a pithy quote would he have?" Many have commented in chat rooms, tweets, and online boards about the gentleman pastor from Gainesville, FL who is so diligently attempting to grab notoriety and fame for an act so unlike Jesus, in my opinion. Terms like idiot, knuckle head, seeker of his own 15 minutes of fame have all been used outside the media. The press has actually wasted time talking to him.

For one, he purports to be anti-Islam. His church he shepherds has heard him call Islam the devil's religion. I scratch my head in amazement that he really believes that. If Jesus had felt that way, we never would have His words in John 4, when he talks to the woman at Jacob's well. Peter had that same attitude about Gentiles until God put the vision in his head - the story from Acts 10. Is the answer truly to exterminate a religion because it's basic tenants are diametrically opposed to his own? Has the 28th chapter of the gospel of Matthew been omitted from his Bible? I am not attempting to be Rodney King here, because I know we all can't get along. My problem is why wear a Christian name tag and act about as UN-Christ-like as possible. That is why I miss Twain and how he would revile this pastor.

Reconciling, Not Rationalizing

2010-08-17T16:03:00.001-07:00

Everybody that knows my love for Mark Twain and Charles Schultz admits to the confusion of those specific two men being my idols of literature. While they both comment on the human condition, and both use humor to make their point often. In contradiction, Twain was an egomaniac, truly believing he was smarter and better than most of his contemporaries in politics and literature. Schultz believed he was under valued, and always was seeking the adulation he wanted but didn't think he deserved. Twain, while incredibly witty was mean and hurtful with his words. He rarely (actually almost never) complemented another, while usually denigrating them. The Peanuts creator loved the happy ending, yet was consistent with his characters - never allowing Charlie Brown to kick the football, or strike out the other team's batter.

I have sometimes queried as to the depths of Twain's loathing for religion and more specifically God. I worry that as I grow older my cynicism will grow and I'll have friends and family look back and say, "he lost it as an old coot, and he lost sight of God in is life." Or, that those same family and friends will say, "why couldn't he see how great he was - he thrived on being told that, and that is not a good quality."

Karma Sucks For Him

2010-08-07T22:56:00.000-07:00

Spiritually speaking, I don't believe in karma. Unfortunately, Eldrick does. No longer the superman of the links, the invincible god of golf, his non-sports life turned into a expose that rivals the juiciest Enquirer story, and his golf game in the loo, I feel for him.

I don't know from personal experience what it is like to be an icon, a demigod to mere mortals, but I do know how it hurts to fail. And to fail publicly. Seriously, I pray that Tiger finds more than just Buddistic enlightenment. He needs Jesus. Not to salvage his golf stroke, or help him to reconcile with his wife, but for his eternal soul. God promised, "Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them white as snow" (Isaiah 1.18 NIV).

His demeanor and his game are evidence of a troubled, troubled soul.

Pretend Vs. The Real Thing

2010-08-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about, and yet most times struggling with how far off the rails my train goes as I travel daily, looking to Christ as my supreme example. I think I know in a small way how the apostle Peter felt as he jumped out of the boat to walk on the water toward Jesus, and in that moment after the impulse is gone he looked at his own feet on top of the water and totally freaked --- asking himself, "What am I doing? I don't belong here!" It is ironic that at Peter's moment of clarity we also find his weakest faith.

While it is true that very nearly every time I impulsively jump at an opportunity to run to Jesus and just be in His arms, I expose my own flaws and failings for just a brief period, but instead of confidently sprinting toward the prize I allow the doubt and all the self-incriminating thoughts and feelings of my imperfect-ness to grab at my heart and that is the very weakest moment when Satan can confuse and distract me from my goal.

*I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you - Psalm 119.11
*Hold on to the pattern of wholesome teaching you learned from me-a pattern shaped by the faith and love that you have in Christ Jesus - II Timothy 1.13
*And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus - Phillippians 4.7

There is one specific formula for defeating Satan and his attempts at keeping us from God. Unfortunately this is a long, tedious war - like a soccer match or a baseball game - not like flipping a light switch, or turning a lock with a key, or even adding two ingredients together to get "instant" anything --- this is a back and forth, fall down - get up - brush yourself off and go again, never give up - never surrender, keep moving forward kind of a war.

Like Peter, I find myself saying, "I can't do this," and "man, am I worthless," knowing with a carnal surety that I am fallible. What the evil one blocks me from remembering is that ..."I can do all everything THROUGH CHRIST who gives me strength." (Phillippians 4.13) I am very thankful my God who loves me so much allows me second chances! All of the scripture passages quoted here in this piece are from the NLT, New Living Translation.

2010 Harvest Crusade - Anaheim, CA August 6-8

2010-07-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

The Anaheim Harvest Crusade is just one week away - The emphasis is what to to when you're hurting - there will be a special time with Dr. James Dobson, and a message every night by Greg Laurie, and so much awesome music that you need to go to the site and see for yourself - click here - I don't care if you go away from my page, because everyone needs to be there - there is hope for the hurting - and we all have our baggage.

Personal, Inner Conflict

2010-05-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

The Apostle Paul captured my dilemma in the seventh chapter of the letter to the Romans. While I have such grandiose plans and dreams for my life, ministries I want to be in, even just my daily life - the way I honor and cherish my wife, the time I spend on my children and the manner I communicate with them, and the rest of my family and friends I want to be with and care about - these are the things in my life that are the hardest to accomplish. I feel like this diatribe could easily swing into a pity party, but that is not my focus. As Paul finishes his thought on sin in Romans 7, he says (vs 24, 25) "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord."
I am almost fifty years old and I am still learning how far I have to grow, how much I do not know, and just what a creep I am. After all, I can look back and see the goober from high school, or the moron that went from college to college and never accomplished anything. One failed marriage, children and step children that neither listen to or respect any adult, save me personally. I have been attempting to receive a Bachelor's Degree for almost 5 years, and California Baptist University started me off with a two-year Associates Degree I received 15 years ago. Jobless, and still playing games with my school for my degree, I struggle to stay UN-depressed.
I truly believe that there is a plan for me. Like Paul, I thank God for the gift of his son, Jesus Christ. I need to walk in that light. I need to seek His face and do what pleases Him, and then my concerns about my life will not be as ominous or depressing.

Teachers Who Screw It Up For The Rest

2010-03-12T14:02:00.000-08:00

The story about the teacher who called his sixth grade student a "loser".
The story about the three teachers who screwed up black history month lessons.

Pink slips. As an aspiring educator in the public school system, I have made many friends "in the biz". I have had 4 children go K through 12th grade in the Savannah School District system in Anaheim, and two in Middle School presently in Riverside, CA in the Alvord School District. My sister has taught Kindergarten for more than 20 years in Temecula, CA, and I am 3 credit hours short of a B.A. in English where I have observed over 100 hours of elementary, Middle School, and High School classroom sessions. This is all so I can then go to graduate school to receive my teaching credential for teaching in California. Even with the thirty plus teacher friends I have and all that I have seen personally in my observations for school I readily admit I don't know everything about education. I hear and read about our terrible budget crisis, I watch as the Governator of California cuts millions of dollars for education in this state even after his election platform said he would bolster, not cut the school budget. All of this preamble is to say I get so sick and tired of very competent, very skilled and successful teachers being given pink slips telling them they will not have the same job come fall 2010.

All the while these teachers are getting the short straws, teachers are hitting the headlines for utter stupidity. Last week three teachers - male, European American teachers at Wadsworth Elementary School in south Los Angeles - a 1st, 2nd, and 4th grade teacher suggested their students study and celebrate three prominent African Americans and then have a parade to display what they learned. The three celebrities chosen were Ru Paul, O.J. Simpson, and Dennis Rodman. Of course, all this is in the alleged stage because these three racist schmucks are suspended until all the facts are investigated. Also, the three men are not named and have been unavailable for comments.

Choosing a cross-dresser, a moral degenerate, and a murderer as examples of the African American culture is deplorable. That is an incident of stupidity, bordering on evil, as these men who are employed to teach children in my opinion stand attempting to mock an entire race, and then a teacher in North Carolina piles on to the bad judgement bus.

A sixth grade teacher at a Middle School in North Carolina has what is described as an odd teaching style. In the article about this story, a video shows at least three separate and distinct times the teacher wrote "loser" on one young lady's paper. One time was for a grade "-20% for being a loser". The mother said these comments have been ongoing and when she went to com-plain to the school they stopped for a while until this week when the above statement was written atop her daughter's paper. The local news found three families to defend this adult bully's style of teaching. I asked myself, "Self, why didn't the principal take care of this situation immediately?" The video said this teacher had been in the school for 12 years. This has now grabbed national attention, so we'll see where it goes from here.

Almost daily there are stories of Counties, School Districts, and Schools making very hard decisions about letting great teachers go due to financial constraints. Unions have muddied the waters here in California, where Union leaders are going toe-to-toe with the beloved Governator for power and control. I don't have many solutions, but I am barely smart enough to see the problem. In our zest, or haste, or egocentric fervor to be the smartest, richest, and most powerful country we've taken so many short cuts, or simply ignored the hard work credo of generations past we are no longer in that place. How sad.

Raiders Coach Has Suffered Enough

2010-02-25T05:36:00.000-08:00

The NFL has decided not to discipline Coach Tom Cable for his myriad of anger management issues. Commish Goodell gave some lame yada yada yada reason, but everyone knows the real reason: Working FOR Al Davis and WITH JaMarcus Russell is punishment enough.

The real article for this story is found here.

Eldrick Woods

2010-02-18T00:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, so everyone knows him as Tiger, but my thoughts today have been on him, his video game, and what lying and infidelity have done to this once very powerful and iconic figure. All the millions of dollars can't hide indiscretions of this proportion, especially in this age of the Internet, TMZ, and celebrity without foundation.

So I had an idea for a new video game - sort of a EA Sports meets Grand Theft Auto - While the gamer plays tournaments as Tiger, he travels the United States (as well as Europe) with different women, and bonus points are scored when a successful rendezvous in a city is executed without his wife or the other 'ladies' finding out. . . So it isn't a very good game, or a good idea - it's not like he, Tiger Woods is the first guy to think his "needs" were more important than the commitment he made to one woman before God and other witnesses.

Cheating spouses is so popular that they have 'reality' shows where the cameras spy and catch the offending party "cheating" with another person. Granted, it has been happening for much longer than the age of reality TV, and for many rational and many irrational reasons. In the Bible, Abraham thought his wife couldn't get pregnant, and God had told him he was going to be a dad, so therefore Abraham made a choice to impregnate his wife's handmaiden, who gave birth to Ishmael before Sarah, his wife gave birth to Isaac. The entire Muslim (Arabic) world can trace their lineage back to Abraham through Ishmael, while the Jewish nation have Abraham as their "father" through Isaac. Good call, Abe!

Of course the most famous story of infidelity in the Bible is King David, who watched a hottie named Bathsheba bathing on a neighboring roof, and took her a for his own while her hubby, Uriah, was a soldier in the Hebrew Army off at battle. Bathsheba becomes pregnant, David tries in vain to cover his sin, but to no avail so he has Uriah killed in battle by pulling back all the troops except Uriah. With Bathsheba now a widow, David looked to be in the clear - yet somebody knew, and when Nathan told David he knew, David's life turned upside down from that point.

Many celebrities are unfaithful to their spouses which I do believe is a reason that society in general has such little regard for fidelity. Even the most important man on the planet, the President of the United States, sat in front of a TV camera and lied about his actions to the world. To this day, Americans are far less upset with Bill Clinton for that than Jimmy Carter or George H. Bush, who were good and upstanding husbands and morally strong.

The present day attitude is generally "Everybody is doing it, so what is the big deal?" More often than not, rather than repair a relationship, the spouse who wasn't unfaithful seeks to "screw" the unfaithful spouse financially. Therefore, a broken covenant between two people spells financial gain for the injured party. That to me is like if I was playing baseball and my teammate makes and error in the field so I go to the coach and demand a portion of his salary, or I refuse to play. This is not a monetary problem. Even for Eldrick, who has millions to lose in a divorce.

The problem is the attitude that the human race has put on love, commitment, and sex. They are all important, but they are not equal. While the power analogies are drawn, the faithfulness and trust of a covenant relationship are at stake. Pastors, teachers, mechanics, CPA's, managers, and an endless myriad of professions have succumb to this weakness. While I feel for the catastrophic damage this does to children in a unfaithful family, I know it can be prevented. Infidelity is a behavior. It isn't a disease, or a manifestation of one spouse being 'driven to it'. It can be stopped by simply not allowing the seed of adultery to grow. It will take strength of character and not selfishness; an ability to see past the immediate and see others as equals and not merely tools for narcissistic purposes.

So let's stop glorifying adultery with term's like "soul mate" and TV and Movies depicting sex outside of marriage as beautiful and romantic, and make "'til death" have the meaning and substance.

I Am Second

2010-02-11T10:43:00.000-08:00

This 'new' movement among the Christian Community, is this month's cause for our local Christian radio station. www.iamsecond.com gives people practical stuff to put into a lifestyle what we as Christians preach about. When asked what was the greatest commandment in Luke 10, Jesus quoted Deuteronomy to put God first and others next "as yourself". I heard Tony Dungy's story, Joe Gibbs, Josh Hamilton - and many other famous and fringe celebrity folk who have dedicated themselves to practical application and not just a principle or philosophy.

I am intrigued by this cause because, for one, my blog is named 'God, Others, and me' based on this same teaching. Secondly, No one church or pastor or celebrity is at the forefront. This is truly a non-profit movement to create revival in the people, another evangelism tool. This planet could do with less hate, less greed, less crud, and more Jesus in every life.

While most will acknowledge Jesus as teacher, philosopher, and all-around-good egg, as they do Confucius, Buddha, Mohammad, and Gandhi, Jesus claimed HE WAS GOD. Jesus taught, lived, and died, and then three days later rose from the dead to be seen by hundreds of people - something the aforementioned group did not do - and this is an attempt to bring more people closer and into a deeper relationship with Lord of all, Jesus Christ.

I am Second even has a support system where you can talk to counselors or even a small group to continue to grow in the Lord.

I believe in this program, even without the celebrity endorsement, because of my faith. I need to grow and learn more just like everyone else. The beauty is that Jesus accepts me the way I am, and gives me room to grow, not expecting me to grow in order to attain Him.

Nothing Like The Old School, #44

2010-02-06T16:55:00.000-08:00

John Elway was the first career Bronco to ever be inducted into the Hall of Fame, with good reason - he is arguably the greatest to play the position ever. Willie Brown, who began as a Bronco but had a much more prolific career with the hated silver and black is in; Tony Dorsett, who everyone knows as a Cowboy played one final lackluster year with Denver before blowing out a knee is in; and Gary Zimmerman, possibly the best to ever play offensive line played many years with the Vikes before protecting John and Terrell Davis in the Broncos two Super Bowl wins. Gradishar should be in, Rich and Tom Jackson is arguable, but today finally a Bronco legend takes his rightful place in the HOF.

Congratulations to Floyd Little, the bowlegged running back from Syracuse University, for his induction with an All Star class of 2010. Floyd played only for Denver and after 14 years had the 7th overall total rushing yards in NFL history. Always humble and incredibly beloved by fans in the Denver area, it is a pleasure to celebrate a great career and a great man. The only negative for Little all these years was the caliber of teams he played for. Finally, those moronic writers who control the vote figured out what the players have been saying for years. How special is a man who can run the way he did for as long as he did with so "little" help?

Hooray for Denver, for Floyd Little, and for the rest of the inductees to commemorate their achievements in the NFL.

If Ever The Sun Fails

2009-12-30T22:37:00.000-08:00

No...this is not a global warming warning, or anything of the kind. I simply can not wait until Jesus returns, and we all are at the foot of The Throne of God worshipping and singing and praising Him forever.

I know that some of my friends are turned off by any discourse of spiritual matters, and for that I can only offer prayers for your heart to see what I see when I think of Jesus. Anyway, this isnot about you, it is about me. This week I have had two serious conversations with my parents about a not-so-happy moment for me when one or both of my parents shed their mortal coil and go to their mansion prepared for them in God's House (John 14). Selfishly, I admit that I don't want to see them go, that I wish I could have their light, their energy, and their insight for as long as I am on planet earth, but that is not realistic or healthy.

I love my parents, and although I put them through Hell on earth a few years ago for quite a few years, I am so very proud to have been raised by two of the greatest Christian people to walk the walk. They are truly humble and obedient to God's teaching. They bring light and life to every place they go and everyone they meet.

So, while we live for Christ, showing all we have contact with His love and His gospel, the humanity is still undeniable that we all will fade from this world and become new creatures with a new home after our death. This truth doesn't help deal with the reality of parents in need while still on earth. These questions and more are hard and inevitable as we adults try to plan and decide what to do in case of the worst (or the best, depending on the vantage point).

Feelings - Nothing More Than Feelings

2009-12-29T13:10:00.000-08:00

I feel like the Broncos have had a great season, even with the collapse in the second half -

I feel that 8 or 9 wins this season is far better than anyone "outside" the organization dreamed -

I feel that next year will be important for the Broncos as the GM and Head Coach has another draft and one more year of his style infused in the orange and blue -

I feel that this 74 degree day is kind of surreal as I hear about the snow storms across the country -

I feel that this next stage of my education, the graduate studies part, is going to be more challenging and yet more intriguing and fun!

I feel that I owe my wife about three months of straight sleep -

I feel like eating steak and potatoes tonight -

I feel like I should write a song, only to have it sung by Toby Keith -

I feel that it is no longer fair to make me wait until January 9 to watch 'Leverage' -

Halftime Report Card

2009-11-12T14:15:00.001-08:00

"What is" surprised, inspired, even apologetically excited? These are three acceptable questions to the answer in the category of Football Teams for $200, Alex, The feel of the Broncos season at the halfway point, six wins and two losses.

For the sake of an argument, let's imagine they don't win another game, or one, maybe two more wins. They would have abundantly overachieved according to the football pundits, the experts who said they were the worst team in the AFC during the preseason. The losing streak is not good, by any argument, but it does bring to light the reality that my Broncos are still climbing, not quite yet in Super Bowl Dynasty mode.

In comparison, the Steelers, Baltimore, and New England lose a couple of games (Baltimore lost three in a row), and those TV and radio droids clear their throats and say, "a little bump in the road."

Denver is a young, energetic defense, with a ball control offense. With the talent they have collectively there is a very small margin for error. They have glaring weaknesses at linebacker, but mostly on the D line. Elvis is the one exception, but as a unit, they are weak. D.J. Williams plays like a schizophrenic bipolar doberman, sometimes he is a lethal weapon, and others is plays like a lapdog.

Our offense has to be mistake free, and in the last three games they have been too fast and loose with the ball. The result, three losses, blowout variety.

All in all, I am impressed and look forward to the remainder of 2009, because they are already better than I expected them to be in 2011.

Are The Broncos Or The Titans Reality?

2009-10-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

I can not wait for this week's diatribe of sorts "experts" and entertainers to tell me how Tennessee is so much better than my Denver Broncos. Even if we win or barely lose next week to the master of the cut up hoodie, if we do anything short of routing the Patriots they all will "I told ya' so" all up in my face. This week there will be the multiple excuses, like "The Cowboys are not that good, their coach is not a winner, their QB is not a winner, and they had no running game due to injury." I am sure there will be even more excuses as to why Denver does not deserve any respect still, but who will still be touting the winless Titans?

I admit my disdain for the Belichick 'mini me' that paces Denver's sideline. It does not diminish my adoration for the team and it's members. There have been many Orton doubters, of which I was NEVER one. I knew he had no passing allies in Chicago, and still he found a way to win. He is not Cutler-esque with a canon for a right arm, as Cutler is no Elway, and so on. Still, he is doing the job.

McDaniels post game after the Cowboys game said it all about his character when he referred to the less intelligent people "outside this building" who prognosticated the Broncos in the NFL cellar, not to mention the AFC West. One quarter of the 2009 season is now over. let's save the smack talk to the press for the final gun, when you can rub their snobby little noses in your victorious season. The press does not respect you, Coach McDaniels like they do your mentor and foe next week. In Denver alone there is a class a jerk who writes sports columns and is on sports TV who knows less than Jack Diddly about sports, who would love to stir something up just to get to have his name in print. Another former pro basketball player who is a Denver sports pundit would like nothing more than to berate you locally and nationally if you cross him.

Just let your game on the field speak for you until they tell you how good you are. Four and twelve would not impress anyone, so lets keep on going one week at a time.

Oh The Times, They Are a-Changing For this Bronco Fan

2009-09-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

All preseason of the NFL season the TV and radio here in Southern California, not to mention the national media types were chewing on the Broncos as one of the three worst teams for this season. After I referred to the high school aged coach that replaced Shanahan, dressing in his Belichick "Mini me" hoodie getting rid of a spoiled quarterback due to lack of people skills, out of the woodwork came the media from socal trashing the Orange and Blue of the Rocky Mountains.

After the end of the Bengals game - the miracle deflection, catch and run by Stokley, they said it was only Cincinnati and Denver was lucky. Then they demolish a pathetic Browns squad that has fallen into the depths of Detroit Lions/Miami Dolphins status of absolutely inferior status. Then Denver beats up on the "R" word team (speaking that Oakland team's name in my house is the worst curse word). So what do the experts say three weeks gone into the season?

I heard a national radio host from ESPN today say that all the 2-1 teams were better than Denver, and then he added, a couple of 1-2 teams and at least one 0-3 team are better than Denver. Because I just turned on the car to hear the statement, I don't know what led into it, or what was said after that because that was when the local affiliate had a glitch of some kind and switched over to the national, and then back again - que sera, sera.

The Broncos get a chance to play Oakland again, and KC twice, but the remainder of their schedule is on the difficult side. They may only win three or four more games all season, but I am okay with admitting the soap-opera drama that the season began under almost shut me off, on top of hiring a cheating coach's clone to replace a legend. Team will out, or whatever is all about the team, and I still cheer and defend my Rocky Mountain men to the nth degree. It is always a great Sunday when the Ra!)&%$ lose and the Broncos win!

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming ...

2009-09-24T06:41:00.000-07:00

Dory could be my favorite movie character of all time - the little bright blue fish with short term memory loss and the knack to remain so positive is definitely in the top five, and if I weighed the pros and cons, I could waste an hour and argue she is the best. However, that is not the point of this diatribe. I have learned so much this last year. I learned that 'failure' is not a noun, but a verb. Interestingly enough, so is 'success'. I learned that while I wallow in self-pity and despair from the inability to get my career moving, allowing petty things like no money and a failing grade in algebra to keep me from achieving my Bachelor's Degree up until now, not being able to re-enter the work force after twelve years of being a stay home dad, my body's steady decline of strength and resilience and inability to perform athletically all made me unhappy to the point of despair.

These things don't get me down today, even though they are all real and potentially depression creating. There is only one reason - love - as my high school choir teacher so eloquently would say, "Not the 'l*u*v' that country western singers describe, but the big 'L', the real thing." This one thing is my solace. Like Dory, I do enjoy adventure. Over the years I have become crippled by failure, but not so long ago I would plunge into any situation just to do it, to feel alive. The failure that had me sidelined has been evaporated by love. Love of a Creator who made me, knows me, and wants me to willingly become His follower. His love sent to earth a Savior, Jesus, who took all the crap and ugliness of my life and washed it away with His blood as He died for all my sins, even though He was sinless Himself. That kind of love is so worth getting off my pity poor caboose and trying again.

Love is not just a spiritual thing, because my wife proves every minute of every day how much love can do. She is a wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, neighbor, and friend. An amazingly dedicated and skilled nurse, she has been relegated to middle management supervisor and now is the whipping boy of her managers, who dump every unenviable task on her because they can. I often used to ask why she puts up with such behavior from her bosses, and she has told me time and time again - it finally soaked into this very thick melon atop my shoulders - she has to do this because without it we have no food, no house, nothing for the kids. She takes all the abuse and goes back day after day out of love for us, her family.

The love is not exclusive with God and my wife. I continue to receive love from two wonderful and generous parents, who have had their share of humiliation and disappointment having to raise a son like me. Yet they remain steadfast, and keep me and my family in their present thoughts and prayers. The same could be said for my in laws, who have graciously opened their lives to me and love me as if I was theirs.

I have some very good friends as well. I am truly blessed to have so much. Like Dory, I know that no matter what obstacle arises I meet it and "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."

Much Ado Becomes Much Doo-Doo

2009-09-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

So much fuss ... Such a negative buzz ... One simple speech directed to the children of the United States from our President in order to inspire and motivate students created far more "ado" than it was worth. The pre-speech conversations, blogs, and articles stirred up so much negativity, and the post speech words were filled with vile and ugly sentiment. The speech was not the FDR "infamy" speech, or JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you ...", and it was not as evil as Clinton's "I did not have sexual relations with that woman", or Nixon's "I am not a crook" that attempted to overlook moral certainties.

The nasty and ugly words that grew from the attitudes of prejudice against the President, his political party, or whatever caused them were the most disturbing parts of this story. Even yesterday, after the speech had been given, dissected, and spun, the pundits and the people continued to debate over it's value. Family and friends I dearly love and respect so passionately wrote and spoke in terms of hate and negativity. They have every right to speak their mind, but tainted words and phrases such as "lack of trust", or "brainwashing" in opposition to the speech create a very uncool vibe, even if it gets the best meaning. Obama is the President of the United States, not Svengali, or some cult leader like Jones or Koresh.

This anti - Obama vibe is very sad and upsetting. I tell you I am a Bible believing, active follower of Jesus Christ. I am a Christian. Politically, I am a liberal financially, and a moderate socially. I am registered as an independent because I can't be on either political team. I have more kids than the average American, with two still in public school. To top off this diatribe, I am an educator in training. So, my spiritual belief system, political views, familial situation, and my career path lead me to hope that instead of polarizing and dividing, that short-sighted and passionate people would think of the situation in terms of Jesus and not personal "ado".

The saddest part is the 'Christian' church takes a beating by those who are outside and need to excuse and justify there behaviors and attitudes because of short-sighted un Christ-like church people. I fail to classify either side as ignorant, but when either side of the argument has nothing to stand on except prejudice, then that is an ignorant behavior. President Barack Obama's speech on September 8, 2009 to students in the U.S.A. is a great example. When "Christians" err, then the agnostic or athiest don't hear the message, even when the message is Bible-based and from the words of Jesus or His apostles. Passionate vapor as opposed fundamental truth is not distinguished by those who need the message - which is all humanity.

More important than the debate, the rhetoric, and all the posturing is the loss of opportunity to demonstrate Christ's love and understanding. There is also the filtering of young minds by mom, dad, or the pastor against authority in general, the President specifically, where they don't listen, process, and use information because they have been modeled. "A mind is a terrible thing to waste," but a relationship with Jesus is far more important.

Inconsistent Coach, Inconsistent Defense

2009-09-09T12:01:00.000-07:00

Please explain to me, because I don't understand why one spoiled child throws a tantrum and you send him packing, and another spoiled child gets suspended for his tantrum? Cutler is a baby, a spoiled, egocentric, coddled man-child and he is gone. Marshall is a rare talent, with ego to overshadow, ala T. O., Ocho Cinco, and Moss, and his antics just punish the team. Suspend him so his agent can continue to grind the press, so the offense struggles without him. What has history proven that the suspension will solve?
History of both Marshall and other prima donna wideouts is that they continue to divide locker rooms and pout until the cancer is so widespread the season becomes a joke for the players, coaches, but mostly the fans --- those who actually pay the team to play.
This article is newsworthy but the statement of kid coach is just a joke. My original prediction of 6 to 8 wins could be way too high - and preseason is still droning on.

My Fickled Americans

2009-08-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Can we learn from history? The answer is yes, we can, but do we? Sodom and Gomorrah, Tyre and Sydon, the Fall of the Roman Empire, all are lessons the founding fathers of the United States used as bad examples of government, as well as others. But today, when the bleak picture is painted of our American economy, using consumerism (I know that is a big oversimplification, but it is on point) to boost the country's financial situation, while the institutions receiving the $$$ are keeping it. So how is that Obama's fault?

Recent surveys and polls show the President's approval rating and the country's confidence in him slipping. Let us all take a breath and have a reality check - He has been in office less than nine months. I'm not saying he has all the answers, and I'm not saying the man who preceded him didn't. In fairness, G. W. had two terms, and he didn't get very much accomplished due to partisan politics in the legislature. But come on, you start a new job that is hurting and your boss expects overnight success and immediate results - that is unfair.

My history example is the children of Israel in the book of Exodus. Slaves in Egypt, they cried to God for freedom. God gives it to them, and they complain about shortages and hard times now that they're free. God says okay, and provides for their needs. He summons Moses to receive the laws on the mountain, and the people gripe and moan, and begin to stray from what they know is right and start to party like it's 1999. Then they complain about the length of the walk, and so on. They are never happy, and Moses goes from hero to goat so much it is absurd.

At least let the process take it's course. Give President Obama chance to do his job before you rise up and vilify him for a bad job. Good grief, Charlie Brown, or America, you're such a block headed nation!

Spiritual Retreat

2009-07-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

Almost one week ago my wife and two youngest children (S4 & D3 if you need names) and my large carcass had an amazing, uplifting, "mountain top" experience at the Verizon Amphitheater in Irvine, California where we walked up and down steep hills in over 100 degree heat and watched from 3.30 pm until after 11 pm as six different artists or bands sang 4 - 6 songs apiece and one pastor from Compassion International spoke about giving and putting your faith into action. The six bands/artists were Francesca Battestelli, Needtobreathe, Matthew West, Phil Wickham, Jars of Clay, and MercyMe. Bob Lenz was very funny and yet very poignant with his message.

There is nothing like a Christian concert. As Bart, I have seen him twice now so I can call him Bart, the lead vocalist for MercyMe said, "Concerts are cool, hanging with folks you don't know with that 'We Are The World' vibe," there is really very little to distract one from a true and wholesome worship experience. I was so joy-filled (as was my wife) as we watched our 10 and 12 year old sing, listen, and really kick back and let the Holy Spirit flow through them in worship.

Matthew West sang "The Motions", which could be one of the greatest songs of all times, MercyMe sang "I Can Only Imagine", which IS one of the greatest, and gifted men and women sang many, many other songs on radio, CD, or iPod, but my wife and I talked about "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe is just the theme of our lives. If you know the song, and you know anything about my physically gorgeous and spiritually beautiful spouse, you know we have been through our share of trials, individually and collectively. The last verse truly sums it up for the Huntley family:

I am Yours regardless of

The clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what’s a little rain

All the things that my wife has to endure because she is married to me, and the kids surgeries and life struggles, all of that seems to just hone her faith into something so strong and amazing. I have been working on my life, growing and changing for His betterment of me, working hard on not focusing on my failures but on God's future for me, and all the stuff we wade through daily seems insignificant.

The festival was a great blessing, and I am reminding myself while I share with you that I need to walk in faith and keep walking, and not be paralyzed with stupid fears and baggage of my past.

Long Live The Intelligent and The Emotional

2009-07-05T13:34:00.000-07:00

Mankind puts a lot of importance on subjective analysis like tests and grades - this is how we judge intelligence. There are even more subjective assessments, like listening to someone speak, and reading words written in letters, books, and other documents. There are two large problems with the shining such a big light on intelligence. The first and most important is that ability to test well, or use big words in speaking or writing, or get the best grades is no guarantee that a person is the most intelligent. Another major flaw in exalting the most intelligent over all is that humans are brains and emotions. These problems in my opinion have lead Americans to believe and trust in people who are great debaters, logicians, and philosophizers, and are in human terms vapor or smoke.

In the same manner others on the planet shift only on the emotional response, with no regard for logic, evidence, or reason. These humans "feel" everything, and a general rule is that they shift behaviors like the weather in the Rocky Mountains. One minute is sunny and without notice a rain storm hits - the next day could bring snow or maybe sun again. The feelings we have as people is not to rule us, but to be tempered by our intellect. Many things we feel in one moment will be gone soon, and thus man emotionally driven humans are left empty and bitter.

I personally know people who believe that the brain is the ultimate controlling piece of human tissue. Sensory and emotional receptors are either neglected or intentionally shut off to allow the power of thought to overtake every fiber of their being. Others like Thoreau seclude themselves and do nothing but chastise, ridicule and blame in order to justify their plight. I am in no way saying that the intelligence of man is to be overshadowed by the emotions inherent in us all. I am saying that glorifying brain over the other vital parts of human essence is wrong.

Some people are talented with their hands, growing crops, building things, creating art, cooking, and other things. Others are thinkers, planners, managers, and coaches who so successfully find things for everyone to do and figure how parts fit together. The old adage of "doers" and "thinkers" does apply. The argument that "I am a thinker, therefore I am exempt from productivity, and I am the 'moral compass' due to my vast intelligence" is a flawed argument. Voltaire has been proven right time and time again when he said, "power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely." Unfortunately the opposite is vastly true as well - that the absence of power corrupts as well. Too many Americans sit on their overweight cabooses, watch agenda driven TV, and draw conclusions without any principles or actions to back them up.

It is a fact that over fifty percent of Americans do not participate in the process of government set up for them - the vote. Yet everyone, voters and non-voters alike gripe and complain when they are not beneficially compensated, or when an official errs somehow. This past 4th of July I spent the evening at the local fireworks show put on by the city of Corona, CA, where a parade and all day party were in progress when we arrived at dusk. Before the fireworks show, a WWII veteran who was a resident of Corona was honored.

This Navy Captain had been a POW, had survived the Bataan Death March, and had received doctoral degrees in Psychology and Theology. This man who was shrunken due to age has such a story - he lived his life. No "woulda' shoulda' coulda'" with him. His example to all is like that of the apostle Paul from the Bible the man had a life lived, and knew where he was destined. He didn't live for power, fame, money, or personal gratification. He knew that actions had to marry words. He talked about belief and emotions, and he argued intellectually about a relationship with God. There is a bond between our emotions and our intelligence. To ignore one and exalt the other is not good stewardship.

Ripping the Constitution - Between Church and State

2009-05-29T11:48:00.000-07:00

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

The above is the exact wording of the first amendment to the U. S. Constitution. My only question is, when did San Diego secede and form their own laws? This article about a Bible study intrigued me greatly.

I guess a second question is, Is California so deep in debt that ANY possible financial tributary must be drained dry?

I sincerely hope that City officials think long and hard - and that God's people would pray without ceasing - for this situation. Please click the hyperlink to read the article.

How Blessed Am I

2009-05-03T00:40:00.000-07:00

I have seen three of the greatest Christian Bands in the last thirteen months - MercyMe, Casting Crowns and now I have heard Third Day live - just the best of the best. Not only do these bands take their talent and job as musicians very serious and lay down some tremendous rock and roll licks with fantastic harmonies and Spirit-filled lyrics, they go over and above donating money from every concert to phenomenally important causes. Anyway, it has been 25 hours since my wife and I left the church and my spirit feels more stoked than after a week at church camp in the majestic mountains of Colorado.

Mac Powell is just incredibly blessed. His voice is so deep and pure, and his power is indescribable. His abilities are immense and the irony is his frame is so small. As a band I have been a fan for years, and finally I saw them live. I have been to many concerts in my lifetime, from Donny and Marie to ZZ Top and the Scorpions, from Up With People to DC Talk. There are just a few bands ever that sound best when they play live. Singers like Amy Grant, Crystal Lewis, the Carpenters, and Neil Diamond are all far better on a recording than live. John Denver, the Eagles, U2, ZZ Top, America, Casting Crowns, and Third Day are the greatest live "shows" I have ever witnessed.

The most important factor that sets MercyMe, Casting Crowns and Third Day apart is their allegiance to the Holy Spirit in their Lyrics as well as their concert. MercyMe and Crowns were the most dynamic worship experiences I ever had, and Third Day was a fantastic worship service not so clandestinely disguised as just an old school rock and roll Praise concert.

Sharing this magnificent time with the Lord, my wife and two dear friends are memories I'll treasure until I sit at Jesus' feet praising God with ALL the saints - the word awesome doesn't even scratch the surface of my being's euphoria. I wish my vocabulary could do justice to how vast and awesome I feel after being blessed. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me such a blessing.

Irony

2009-04-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

Today I received an email from our mortgage company about planting a tree by going paperless - online payments, correspondence, etc. This pleased me, considering we have been switching all our bills to the world wide web, thus eliminating the need for paper. The email was a powerful ad until I read some small type in the lower right hand corner. "Click here to Print"

Why I Write

2009-03-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

My apologies, Mr. Orwell -

From my earliest remembrance, I read “Sports Illustrated” magazine from cover to cover. Writers I and have since followed well into my adult life like Paul Zimmerman and Frank Deford heavily influenced my passion for competitive participating and spectating at sporting events. As an active young boy who generally could not sit still long enough to read more than a Bible chapter, a magazine article with photos, or the front and back covers of a book, I was very lucky to grow up in a city where many pro and college sports teams played, and my dad took me to far more than my share of games, but not as many as I wanted to attend. I also spent hours in my yard in suburban Denver with any ball, a homemade target, and an imagination of being at the pinnacle of success. These imaginary scenarios ALWAYS included my participation in the final game-winning play. Throwing the winning touchdown pass with time winding down, hitting the turn-around jumper at the buzzer, or making the diving catch to seal the World Series victory for my team were the most important parts of my childhood. The only books other than the Bible my parents could coerce me to read were biographies of Willie Mays, Roberto Clemente, Joe Namath, Johnny Unitas, Wilt Chamberlain and Pete Maravich, to name the most popular. Suffice it to say, sports consumed me. I was in fifth grade when I was given a subscription to this marvelous magazine called “Sports Illustrated” and I was introduced to the swimsuit edition, with Cheryl Tiegs on the cover. This discovery catapulted my voracious interest of sports in a remarkably different way, and I began a new path. Girls were not a distraction to my love of sports; they were simply an additional competitive outlet for me.

As I learned that girls liked attention, even from a scrawny, short boy with big ears and such a cruel cowlick in my hair that mom had cemented it into place with a concoction called “Wave Set”, I enjoyed the fringe benefits of that attention: I participated in holding of hands, hugging, and lots of tonsil hockey! It was in this time period my writing went from sports fantasy to poetic sexual fantasy with sports as the proverbial chaser.

Poems were easy for me to write. Very little of my poetry was good, but occasionally I would stumble on a phrase or adapt something I heard on a movie or TV program and turn it into verse. Rhymes were more important than substance of thought. I learned early in life how young girls, while acting far superior to boys their own age, could be easily swayed by a romantic metaphor or sexual simile from even a tiny nerd with the genuine gregariousness and growing comic wit.

In sixth grade I learned that writers named Mark Twain and O. Henry were the most clever, comical, and real writers on this planet. It was specifically these two writers that taught me sarcasm and irony, and I still love them for it. The only negative qualities these authors had was their lack of concentration on sports as a theme. I sincerely believed the kind of genius exemplified in Mr. Twain and O. Henry was far beyond my capabilities. Nevertheless, I made up stories that I told my parents about the schoolyard, I told my teachers about my family, and general stuff I told to church folk and neighbors gave me a reputation as a liar and a loon. I received good grades in school, yet I struggled with character issues. I was just another human on this big planet. I had no idea what my purpose was, and I struggled to succeed at anything I was fond of.

Through High School, I was an artistic fool, simultaneously working feverishly to maintain my status as an athlete. I played several musical instruments, wrote songs and lyrics (hooray for that rhyming prowess), could draw and paint pictures, portraits, and loved to act on stage in plays and musicals. After several key sports injuries due to my still small stature, my role in sports participation became a supportive one, I began to star in the arts. It was during this time my parents, while not seeking to abolish my love of sports and the arts began a campaign of practicality and bare bones economics, attempting to persuade me that I needed to have a career that brings in steady income, like my father the engineer.

While I internally disagreed with their lack of approval of my innate abilities, I searched to find a career they would approve and yet would not lose my sanity being involved in. My life changed from high school kid to college adult and the expedience of a worthwhile occupation became more urgent. I chose a career path they approved of - full time Christian ministry. Now there is a money-maker! Writing lessons, sermons, and speeches was fun and quite rewarding internally, not monetarily. I worked 45-60 hours a week for my first associate ministry and received $25 per week, with a grocery offering for my wife and I the first of every month.

The writings of Rick Warren, Chuck Swindoll, C. S. Lewis, and James Dobson became a vital part of my personal canon, in addition to Mark Twain and O. Henry. In the last twenty years, Erma Bombeck, Steve Allen, Dave Barry, and Art Buchwald, along with Mitch Albom and Rick Reilly have been added to my own library. This library also includes the writings of John Wooden, Tony Dungy, and Tom Landry. I have been moved, challenged, and humored in any combination by these writers. These influences, along with certain actors and comedians have influenced my point of view on life.

I still attempt to write, even though I no longer work in that field of full-time Christian ministry. I must admit reluctantly that I am a big show off. With a blog address, my fantasy is that the world will read what I write and be moved somehow, either by a smile or a laugh to brighten their day, or even to question and disagree with me, to argue or debate, and spark intellectual stimulation. My style of writing is generally sarcastic, ironic, and off center. Whether or not I get my point across to the reading public, I don’t know. I love to delve into the popular topics, especially in the sports world, and find a twist or a teaching of Jesus that has been sacrificed on the altar of situation ethics, hedonism, and greed. As that old showoff and blowhard, I have so much to say regardless of its importance or relevance. I hope once-in-a-while that my words show wit, wisdom, and a worshipful heart in a mode that endeavors to educate, enlighten, and entertain any audience I can.

My Character

2009-03-15T14:55:00.000-07:00

My squawking all these years on this blog has been about one theme - character! I am so upset at myself when my own character does not fit what I strive for. I want to be the coolest, most patient, loving, and good person - a person who's inner strength is so awesome that it picks up everyone around me, and they ask "What is it about that guy?"

I have spent most of my life worrying about how I was perceived by people. I wanted acceptance of people more than God, and even though I believed and accepted Christ as my Savior, my life was a mess of cataclysmic proportion. I now know that while I have been given gifts and abilities, my allegiance to God as God is far more important than any gratification I receive by men and women. I am also wishing for my children to understand this principle through my example, and they will see Christ living in me, not just 'lip service'.

One thing I tend to do is focus on popular people (generally in the realm of sports) who have little-to-no-character, and make them negative examples. Sometimes, or once in a while, this is good, but it is my experience that the human animal responds best to positive stimulus, example, or encouragement, and so it is my goal to be more like Christ now, in ten minutes, at bedtime, tomorrow, next week, and beyond. The plethora of bad character examples will have to fend for themselves. I will endeavor to no longer give them credence.

I am amazed at how I still am working on traits, quirks, and character issues in my own life - I asked myself, "Self, why did you think/say that?" or "Why don't you tell him/her which way is up?" or a myriad of other selfish, un-Christ-like behaviors, and still want to take back words or actions long since gone and printed on my pages in my book. Luckily, my errors have been erased, or washed away by an act I can not even fathom, Jesus dying for me. But as Paul told the Roman church we should not sin just to receive more grace from God, but we should follow Christ, his teachings and his example of living. It is awesome that Jesus was not a "do as I say, not as I do" leader.

Thank you God, for your grace and forgiveness. Thank you for sticking with me even though I am so not worthy of anything you have done for me. Help me to act grateful, not just give words of thanks.

Old Pottery, New Hope

2009-03-01T00:31:00.000-08:00

I truly believe that God has told us what we need to know. Not necessarily the tap-you-on-the-shoulder and audibly directing us as He did with Moses, Isaiah, and Elijah. We have His words in 66 books known as the Bible. His story written by men and women to share His thoughts , His heart, and His plan for us in narrative, poetry, prophetic, and historical about people who believed, who were used for and/or touched by His glory.

I am not unequivocally dismissing direct revelation today, because I am not smart or holy enough to limit God in any way, but there are many things I hear 'that make me go hmm'. When scripture says, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38 NIV), there are very important and simple principles laid out for the human, and yet much is left to further hermeneutics study and interpretation. In short this one cornerstone verse of scripture from the beginning of the church can be viewed, argued, discussed, or taught in a number of ways because of an individual and their personal 'baggage' that filters or directs the head and the heart. This week I was told that my faith and my destiny were in question because I had never personally had a 'Holy Spirit moment' of one of the gifts such as 'tongues, prophecy, or healing' (these were the three he referred to specifically).

The gentleman and I were talking about the church because of a t-shirt I was wearing, and he began to relate to me instances in his life with other pastors who had the audacity to challenge his testimony, yet he then spiritually 'drop-kicked' me due to my lack of manifestations of gifts as laid out by the apostle Paul. His ministry was with a Church that has been very big in the Inland Empire of southern California, and he wasn't contrite for argument's sake, but he truly had me befuddled. He is a friendly and loving man. He just had a very interesting habit of changing meanings or not being able to recall scripture that help defend his feelings or beliefs.

When I would either quote or reference scripture to ask him to think about his defiant stance, he would tell me that the true meaning of my reference was something all-together different. To the point, he told me straight up, "When anyone prays for something like a healing or a tangible thing, and God doesn't answer your prayer by granting the request, the fault lies with the person praying, because God NEVER says no to any request." I asked him about David and the temple, and Paul and his "thorn in the flesh", and he had rationalizations (to me, anyhow) to deny each example.

This rambling is not to seek vengeance or satisfaction, but honestly to seek answers. Since I am the only one reading my writing, maybe in my study I can come across, answers, or this is one of those 'agree to disagree' topics, not important for the gospel message, but just a question for God after judgement.

Why Can't I Be Like Marty McFly?

2009-02-17T11:58:00.000-08:00

Thanks to old Doc Brown, Marty went back in the past to escape the terrorists. It was there he was able to improve his future.

Why can't we all have the same opportunity?

The attitudes of yesterday shape my today, and clearly affect my tomorrow. The ability to change those attitudes is not just an electric impulse, in a nanosecond changed wishing to continue anew, like a baseball from a pitcher's hand changes direction immediately when struck by a bat. The Apostle Peter exemplifies that philosophy. While a direct and conscious change time does take place, the human mind must work through it's programming to effectively affect change in behavior. Peter told Jesus that he knew Jesus was God in the flesh, come to save the world. Yet it was Peter who was going to war with the Romans at Jesus' arrest, and it was Peter who denied Christ at the time of the crucifixion.

Interestingly, the ball/bat analogy is what the term repent implies. Turning around from a thought or behavior, a 180 degree 'about face'.

Change is fun, exciting, and sometimes hard.

Changing the layout of the living room - easy, fresh, and fun!

Changing the colors of a bathroom or bedroom, even changing a clothing style is fun and challenging.

Changing behavior patterns is hard - sometimes painstakingly hard - but very, very do-able.

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (NIV)

It is not 'science fiction'!

The Freedom to Vote

2008-11-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

Bless every one of those volunteers at the polls - no matter what their level of competence, their patience with the throngs of humanity waiting to cast a fundamental cog in the republic of the USA. I spent over two and a half hours total on two occasions waiting for computer problems and just downright long lines to vote for the myriad of things on the ballot here in California (or Kah * lee * fohn * yah if you recognize the Austrian Governator's pronunciation). I stood and watched individuals take advantage of lines, and due to the selfish or stupid behavior of those few, the time in line increased for everyone. I will explain -

The line was a single line until you got to the little room with the volunteers, tables, and computers, when it split to A-L and M-Z for the last name, to acquire signature and verification and the magic card to collect the votes. While waiting, just from the little room, I was three people from the table in the A-L line. At least four people behind me in line went to the M-Z line because there was no wait, only to have a last name in the OTHER category, so they just slid them over instead of making them return to the back of the line. When I finally reached the table, they informed us the computers were down and two different voluteers were trying to get through to tech support, and both were telling everyone the line was busy. The lady in line behind me suggested to the volunteers at the table only one should call, while the other takes care of issues like these people "cutting" in line, the general chaos that prevailed in the room, and anything else on her mind at the time.

After waiting one hour longer for the repair of computers, I had too many obligations to wait, with kids getting out of school, homework, football practice, etc., so I left with intent to return and vote. The process concluded at 8:23 PST, my vote is now cast.

Why is the old "X" the box ballot so bad?

If This Is Being Blessed, Can I Please Be Not-So-Much?

2008-10-23T23:17:00.001-07:00

In the NIV translation, James 1 :2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I hold to that promise with my whole heart. There is however a fleshly part of my being that wants a spiritual hammock, balmy breeze, cold beverage and free time to get out of this pressure cooker called life. Like a timeout or a commercial break to allow important things to get done, as well as rest to be accomplished.

I am all too aware or the reap-what-you-sew part of life (Gal. 6:8). Jesus promised that the burden would not be easy, or the pathway either, for that matter, and my earthly consequences are truly "bummin' me out, dude!" I am not joyful. I am self degrading, unrealistic, and according to my family 'quite the grump', to use "Disney Language".

So, recognition of these awful and destructive attributes has led me to want to change for the better - like, totally." However, I intimately understand when the apostle Paul told said that which he hates doing is the act he does, and vice versa. This is so chopping me up. So I sign off to work on my math. Chow, Adios, Ba-Bye!

Friendship

2008-09-26T15:16:00.000-07:00

How can you patch a torn or punctured friendship? What is the recipe for strengthening a bond between buddies, without damage to marriages, children, jobs, and such? What is a friend? How does one define the extent of friendship?

There are individuals who have come across my path and made a lasting impression on my life. Many I called friends and yet I haven't seen or spoken to them in over twenty years. There are a small number of folks I have attempted to reconnect with whether they be college or high school friends, and for a multitude of reasons the reconnect never happened.

So now I sit, a half century old with an ex-wife, wife and kids from late twenties to grade school and my sweetie and I have talked a lot about our lack of friends. No couples to hang out with, go out with, invite over for a meal and a relaxing evening. The funny (weird) part of the story is that we as a family are involved in so many different things, and we can't ever find even one couple or other family to hang with. Church, Work, our school, and the kids school, PTSA, Little League, Dance, AYSO, and Pop Warner are all places to find folks for friendships.

David wrote in the Psalms 22 that "Iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the favor of his friend." Jesus parable about the man who had company unexpectedly drop in and he went to local friends to borrow food, receiving a rather negative response. Asking, regardless of the inhibitions or expected reply is the key to that lesson. Other Bible references to friends are in the negative, as in worldly influences taking focus from God.

The question is still how do I restore a friendship, or build one that is meaningful?

Traveling Questions

2008-07-31T09:15:00.000-07:00

I was thinking . . .

Why are there no beavers in Beaver, Utah?

Why is there absolutely nothing to see or do in Browse, Utah?

The only trees in Cedar City, Utah are elm, oak, and pine.

There is no airport in Parachute, Colorado.

What if Rifle, Colorado had a No - Gun law?

Has anyone found gold, silver, or anything in Silt, Colorado?

Why does Commerce City, Colorado smell like a toxic waste dump?

What in the world is a Lochbuie, Colorado?

Was Brush, Colorado formerly Fuller-Brush, Colorado, starring Red Skelton?

Vacation

2008-07-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

Time to get away. Not for me, who has had about the most unproductive summer on record. Not for my kids, who have had a great summer of dancing, baseball, Disney Channel, their niece, and their brother back from Japan. This getaway is for mom. Working 50 - 60 hours per week, taking time out of sleeping to volunteer for D3's dance recital, S4's All-Star Baseball games, and any family time we had.

She is single-handedly taking care of this entire family. Her parents get sick, and she's there. Any child has a problem, she solves it. She is the embodiment of "Wonder Woman". She takes a vacation to get away. She needs to 'veg' for a while. She has earned this. Unfortunately, in lieu of a Club Med week on a Caribbean Island, or a Cruise, or hiking a 14,000 ft. peak, her vacation will consist of ten days on the northeast prairie of Colorado. She deserves much better.

Frustration

2008-05-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

The fact is that I have a Bachelor's degree and can not acquire a job. The bills are falling farther behind - I am still looking at another year of school and credential tests before I can get a full time teacher's job. I need full time employment and can not find anything that is above minimum wage. Not to worry - there is no need to stress when God is in charge, and all our needs will be met. This I believe and yet I know I need to take care for my family.

Life With A Bachelor of Arts

2008-05-17T16:33:00.000-07:00

I have worked for this degree for over two years. My loving and oh, so patient wife has inspired, cheered, and helped me every step of the way. My children gave up daddy time to allow me to write, read, and study. Our financial situation during this period of education has deteriorated to dismal, because during this process we supported my D2, her boyfriend and their daughter, my precious and beautiful granddaughter. In addition, S3 decided to move in with us because of his trouble with his mom and step dad, and we could not say no. So Pam worked and worked, I worked part-time, and was a student full time. Nine total mouths and bodies, with needs and wants and only two contributing to the financial well being of the whole.

Don't get me wrong, D2 worked her butt off to support herself and her daughter, and she went to school full time on top of her full time job. She had money for her new car, including gas and insurance, her partying lifestyle, and childcare for daughter, and she paid us a stipend just for a help with food and some bills, but it never was enough to cover their expenses. We spent our savings fixing up our house for them to have a private apartment - type place, and then our monthly bills got bigger and bigger for three years.

A high school student, S3, has many needs. He needs to be inspired to finish school, do his best in order to learn the most, and absorb as much attention and energy from a family as physically possible. Much of this energy is taken in chauffeuring from place to place, the funding for everything he needs and most of his wants. Very hard in the long run to make a child of divorce (we had a total of four) buy in to a "family" plan and help work WITH a family instead of "All for One" and screw the All plan.

This has been about our deep and dismal financial picture. I received my B.A. degree to recreate a better picture. I can not get employed! So, my life with a Bachelor of Arts degree is just that, the same life with a pretty piece of paper, a tassel, and a funky black dress thing.

First Step - Done!

2008-05-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

Bachelor of Arts in English from California Baptist University - that is what it says on my diploma. That phrase is completely awesome to me - "my diploma" - a road of many challenges and even more joys is behind me, and now in front of me is a new road. A certificate of qualification to teach in California, with classroom work, a test, and student teaching all lay before me.

It was a great celebration of accomplishment. My kids that were in Southern California were here share in my joy, with my fantastic inspirer and life partner I am very proud to call my wife, my folks, my in-laws, and my sister and her family, plus two dear friends all braved the desert sun, heat, and my company to wish me well. Their prayers on my behalf have been lifted throughout this process. They have asked, encouraged, and even nagged to help me get this part of the process finished.

So, here I go, ready or not, into phase two of the Teacher Plan. Thank you Lord, for Your blessings, Your love, and guidance over my life.

BEFORE All Else Fails

2008-03-04T02:24:00.000-08:00

Very important educational fact of my life - WARNING - The next sentence is heavy in spiritual content - if reading about God and spiritual matters offends, don't read any more - Simply go to the comment section and leave your name or screen name so I can pray for you-

Prayer is a great thing! In Philippians chapter 4, Paul, while sitting in a stinking hell-hole of a jail awaiting execution for his belief and actions thereby coinciding with his belief in Christ as Savior and Lord wrote to the church and told them to handle their little problems with joy, and pray in EVERY situation. Don't worry, but pray - and my favorite part of this specific lesson is in the verse following the command to pray - verse seven is so clear and yet I have heard preacher after preacher screw it up. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus" (ASV). Too bad Paul didn't say, whatever you ask for, whatever is the source of your worry, if you are in my good graces and have done all the right things, your thoughts are Godly, and your heart is pure, then you will get whatever you want or need.

To sum up, don't worry, give up control to God. Pastor Greg Laurie defines worry as a "lack of trust in God." At the point that you give it up to God, your life will be at peace, the most fantastic peace too awesome to understand, regardless of God's answer to your situation.

I use this forum to confess -

I need God to take away the stress of our finances. I need to give Him my stress over our finances. Pam is working herself too hard, I am not working enough, and our bills are beginning to overwhelm us. I am rolling on toward a teaching job, ignoring the latest budget news about education cuts and the possible scarcity of teaching jobs for newbies like me. My school bill is so high I can't get my diploma when I graduate in May, until it gets paid in full.

I must put into motion the actions I am professing with my words. End of blog, I have a "prayervious" engagement!

How Long Can You Wait?

2008-02-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

This morning I heard a great story on local Christian radio, KSGN 89.7 in Riverside/San Bernadino California. A young girl asked her mother, "How old was (older sister's name) when see asked Jesus into her heart?" The mother answered, "Seven." There was a long pause in the conversation, as it took place in the car, and mom was driving, and the little girl was in the back seat. Finally, the little girl spoke up, "Mom, I don't think I can wait that long!"

Anti-Prefunctory Parental Ponderings

2008-01-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

Outside of my relationship with God and my wife, there is nothing more important than my children. I have a daughter from a college liaison, let's call D1, that twenty-three years ago I gave up for adoption to the man who wanted to marry my college friend. I have a son from my first marriage, he will be S3, and two from my present and final marriage, S4 and D3. My wife had three children in her first marriage, S1, D2, and S2, which means between us, seven people are walking the planet as a direct result of our choices.

When D1's mom thought it best I have NO contact with our daughter, but my family (parents, aunts) were still big parts of her life, I was able to stay up to date on D1's life. When she asked about me, she was told some sort of nonsense, and when she actively was looking to speak with me (through my parents whom she called Grandma & Grandpa) she was fifteen, so I wrote her a letter telling her how I wanted what was best for her, and her mom and the man that loved them both could make a good family for her. I was honest, telling her I loved her from the time she was born, but made choices because her mom and I weren't in love. Now D1 will be 26 next month, and she is a single mom with a one year old boy, and she lives on the east coast. She stays in touch via email and "Myspace", and she acknowledges me as a person. The irony is that my stepchildren and my own S3 treat me the same way.

Raised in my house, those children are just as uncommunicative, uncaring and unavailable emotionally as the girl who's only connection with me is biological. A symptom of the generation and our culture, I believe. However, that is a thought for a different blog. Now I have D2 who also had a child and needed my wife and my support for a time, and has an incredibly strange rationale for what she is entitled to. She doesn't refer to S4 and D3 as her brother and sister, just as "my mother's kids". This entitlement is shared unconsciously by all 5 of the older children. S1 is 26, and he keeps in touch to inform us about him. He has told us how he feels strongly that he needs to be more involved in his younger siblings lives, but only how they relate to HIM. There is no desire to relate to them. Examples - S4, an 11 year old, is very intelligent and has a communication level that S1 can understand. They chat for hours via Skype while D3, a nine year old, is dying to participate and listen and even tell her stories, but the parents have to intervene just to allow her any time at all. I am frequently perplexed by this phenomena, and then I hear stories of other children from a myriad of different ideologies and households who have the very same entitlement issues. I still feel quite guilty, even with the evidence society presents, for the following reasons:

My two youngest, S4 and D3, are still in the formative stages, elementary school ages. We have provided a great foundation of the importance of God, family, education, physical activities, and friends. D3 doesn't seem to get it. She just dances through life, making the same repeated errors, and her actions when explaining are simply, "yea, so what?" or a vacant stare that begs the question, "Hello, is ANYBODY home?" I feel like such a failure when I stand back and look at the large canvas of my family. It is my fault.

Ramblings

2008-01-21T10:06:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all of my three readers - been a busy holiday season with Christmas, school, family visiting from Colorado for an all-too-brief time. My 94 year-young grandma came with my parents. It was a blessing to spend so much time with her. My niece had her right ACL surgically repaired the day after Christmas, which became a freaky and almost surreal time with my sister and my brother-in-law, but a great new beginning and opportunity for one of the sweetest people on this planet. My oldest niece is a humble, talented and gorgeous high school junior. She has never had more than a scrape or bruise, and now she is dealing with a major injury and repair. This process is slower than she imagined. She is young and very healthy, with a great orthopedic surgeon - she will heal to a point almost as good as new -

This is the home stretch of my Bachelor Degree - I must get back to my term paper on English and Education and humor - a goofy topic, huh?

Motivation Only Comes From Within

2007-12-07T19:05:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in my college class last week and heard my Professor exclaim that growing up on the east coast and living in Europe had made it very easy for him to love southern California, but he admitted it was hard to get into Christmas with 70 - 80 degree days, and the general lack of concern people here have for others. Actuating as I have from Colorado, I am also drawn to the "white" of the winter season as well as the crispness of sub-freezing temperatures. I truly miss the Christmas season. Unlike my prof, I miss Colorado ALL THE TIME.

I have the most awesome companion in life. My wife, my sweetie, my love is such a fantastic woman, and she has taught me so many life lessons, and this one I finally get - the outer esoteric "stuff" that we humans count on to change our mood or motivate our actions is not important, the mind and the heart of the individual is where true behavior derives, whether it's positive or negative.

Remember this Christmas to hug those you love, be kind to those you don't, and above all, give God all the praise for giving his Son to us as the Ultimate Gift of love, to weak and pathetic humans who don't deserve anything from God accept contempt for our lack of respect and punishment for our behavior.

Almost Everything is Changeable

2007-12-01T01:46:00.000-08:00

I have heard it said far too many times, "(Insert a name here) will never change. He/She is just as (insert a negative personal characteristic here) now as they have ever been." The laughable part is that as humans nothing is ever the same twice. Just as ironic is the millions of people on this big blue rock who are resistant even to the point of animosity toward change. If repeating perfectly was easy, many many people would be far better at sports, art, and music. Other activities would be far more simple and more frequently mastered, like typing out forms at work, driving, exercising, cleaning, etc.

I need to insert a disclaimer here, that people who chose to talk without conscience, or let alcohol or drugs control their actions are not diseased anymore than people with red hair or that are left hand dominant are satanic. This argument is not of any substance and usually a lazy excuse for foolishness. Those who choose to give in consistently to fleshly desires (booze, drugs, overeating, sex, lying, gossip, narcissism) have no one but themselves to blame for their plight, although most will be quick to blame "any port in a storm".

The beauty of this problem is that choices abound for every individual - to exercise instead of smoking that pipe or poppin' those pills, to paint, sing, or write and put the bottle away. To talk to a friend or a professional counselor instead of going to the Internet porn, to chew carrots and celery instead of a dozen doughnuts. Even in our speech, change is doable. Swearing isn't necessary, and gossip is a choice as well. But beware of the devout who gossip under veiled curtains of prayer requests or concerns for brothers and sisters in Christ.

The only thing I can find that can not change is that promise of peace, joy, and the security deep inside from God 's promise. No matter where you turn and what you do, God's promise is there - the opportunity to live with an assurance of salvation, more than a fleeting feeling when nice things happen, but an assurance from your soul that the Holy Spirit is your guide. Not that this makes the trip easier, because that is hardly ever the case. Courage and strength come from doing what is right and usually you have to brave a current of popular opinion to go the right direction.

Friends can be fickle - Look at the example from the Bible of how the citizens of Jerusalem cried out HOSANNA! when Jesus entered the city, and they laid palm branches in front of him as a sign of regal acknowledgment. Then less than one week later, their cries were CRUCIFY HIM! On the other hand, the thief crucified beside Jesus changed his heart and Jesus promised him a place in Paradise in the man's final minutes of life. Change is inevitable, if we learn anything from nature. The choice is a natural process. Why not choose to live a life of happiness, joy and trust instead of deceit, selfishness, and misery?

What is the Cost of Patriotism?

2007-11-27T12:28:00.000-08:00

Bravo to the NFL. The decision to delay the game for the safety of the fans and players in Pittsburgh on November 26 was well thought out, most probably a plan for just such a contingency implemented years ago. The decision to forgo the National Anthem to save a few minutes was a spur-of-the-moment bout of stupidity for which all professional sports will take hits for years to come. An extra ten or fifteen minutes tops was saved in order that a tradition that dates WAY BACK was abolished. Is that the true national "anthem"? $$$ - The drive of the almighty dollar, waved under the noses of NFL executives, completely ignored a landmark of sorts.

The epidemic could spread in the worst way - soon schools and businesses across the country will cease flying the flag outside their buildings because the cost of the people in putting it up and taking it down. Boys and girls alike will stop wanting to serve their country because the financial benefits are solely in the private sector. Acres of purple mountains and amber waves are over developed for suburban housing, while cities turn into slums. Politicians will begin to bend away from the good of the nation to seek compensation for themselves. Yet I digress.

This day I am ashamed to be a rabid football fan. This day I feel foolish as an American, being laughed at world wide for the greedy stupidity that permeates professional sports. All I can imagine is that the players union of the NFL is so pathetic that this could only happen in football. Baseball's union would have had lawyers on the field with an injunction preventing the kickoff until the proper amenities were observed. Not for the love of country, but because of psychological repercussions if the same routine is not followed to the letter.

My cynicism knows no bounds today - I am emotionally in pain for many reasons today. And here I sit, breaking from my schoolwork only long enough to scribble this on a blog. I yearn for the day when I can make a difference in this world. Maybe I won't change the whole world, but just a little corner of it.

GOD BLESS AMERICA, because by itself it is doomed!

An Ethical Shell Game

2007-11-17T20:15:00.001-08:00

First of all, I don't care if Barry is found guilty or not of the crimes he has been indicted. I know he is/was an outstanding baseball player, as was Caminiti, Canseco, Palmiero, McGwire, and many others who preceded him in retirement. However, this article isn't about whether his career was a sham, or if the records are asterisk worthy, or about him directly. It is about how the story is being covered, see reported on, by the media.
The question of morality and ethics is best suited for this blog, but has been reprinted in my other sports blog for better coverage. I am so tired and frustrated, even exhausted with this yada, yada, yada about Mr. Bonds and the federal indictment that came down on Thursday. Men who have jobs talking about sports have all weighed in. Many in the past twenty four hours have done nothing to endure themselves to me by their intellect. I admit I haven't heard or read everyone, so I only have a limited scope - yet that scope has had to tolerate (actually I did shut off the radio and stopped reading because of my brimming exasperation). I begin my tirade with Tim Kurkjian, when he claimed Bonds belongs in the Hall of Fame for his production before the alleged steroid desecration began. He also claimed on ESPN that he would wait until after the trial and peruse the morals clause of the Hall inhabitants. Mr Kurkjian, may I direct your attention to Mr. Pete Rose, who's sins were AFTER he stopped playing and became the all-time hits leader in all of Major League Baseball. That hypocrisy raises my ire much too fast.
Next, the baseball panel of Pete Gammons, Rob Parker, Tim Kurkjian, and Buster Olney with Bob Ley was interesting. Gammons admitted to voting for confessed cheater Gaylord Perry. So what? He also said that he wanted to wait and watch the trial before holding judgement. Why would the trial for obstruction of justice and perjury make any difference about his status for Baseball's Hall? Parker talked of "brethren" who "just don't like Bonds and won't vote for him." He admitted to voting for McGwire, as did Kurkjian, which must be their rationale for turning a blind eye to this era and ALL of its participants. Buster was very careful about his personal views, and almost all of his words were about other voters, other players, etc.
Many other people have spoken out about Barry Bonds. Buster in another context brought up the 1919 "Black Sox" Scandal where the players were acquitted and still banned by the then commissioner of the baseball. The Charles Barkley interview was ridiculous. Saying it was a racial issue. Excuse me, Mr. Barkley, Caucasian Mark received only 23% of the vote for the Hall of Fame, and when he retired he was a no-doubt first ballot guy. McGwire is a pariah now - Giambi is a nothing now, and to put the focus back on the indictment, Sir Charles completely forgot that the court is going after Barry not because of his hat size increase, but HE LIED TO A FEDERAL GRAND JURY! Barkley used the two aforementioned white guys to argue the "obviousness" (is that a word?) that "they" were only going after Barry. I wish he would play ball, because he was more entertaining and far less frustrating then. Local L.A. sports radio talked about how "Pudge" Rodriguezand Rafael Palmiero were given a pass along with Giambi and McGwire - again I say "FOCUS, PEOPLE!" This is about Federal Grand Jury/Balco stuff. These other guys may have told the truth on the witness stand.
And then, the Al Sharpton of the African-American athlete, Steven A. Smith went on an insane diatribe with Rob Parker on "First and 10", as well as guest shots onother radio shows, and made Barkley look like a Rhodes Scholar Quantum Physicist. He is so far removed from reality and so not entertaining - like the crotch shots on AFV, one or two make you chuckle, then you just can't deal with that clip anymore!

When You're Blessed, You Are Blessed!

2007-11-02T00:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was blessed at a worship service where a concert broke out! Mercy Me is not just a great studio band, their live show is incredible. Anything that motivates me to be more than the lazy channel surfing slob I am inside is so good it is just short of miraculous. I was so lucky to see them perform at Crossroads Church in Corona, CA along with Aaron Shust and a duet called Monk & Neagle - a couple of young men with acoustic guitars and dynamic harmonies and amazingly insightful lyrics. The night was special as we shared it with friends; a couple that we know from my wife's work. I have heard the phrase "Keep Jesus the focus" a million times in my life, but tonight all of the groups that led the audience in worship truly were in the backseat and were very comfortable there.

Musically the concert was tight, with good mix of vocal and instruments. In this sanctuary that seats approx 1000 people in stadium seats with a pro stage, I was tremendously impressed. Loving the band Mercy Me as I do I was disappointed they only sang for an hour and a half, doing just a few songs from each CD, including the not-yet-released CD. I was so jazzed to hear that mix of vocals and instruments from the band - Bart has an amazing gift, his pipes are very powerful and have such a rich sound - even when in his highest register!

Enough critique - if you have the opportunity to hear them live, take it! And, as was said many times by all the bands, whatever you do, choose to give God glory, and wait for the end to see it all work out! This message really struck home to me as we have experienced our share of trials, and God's reward has always been evident. Some things we (my life partner, wife, sweetheart, lover all in one) are still trusting on some things, but Joshua, Gideon, Elijah, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, Daniel, Simon Peter, and many others stand as our examples of God's faithfulness and His ability to be glorified through the stupidity and frailty of mankind. Be blessed in your daily routines - give it all you have, for God promised to give you all He has!

Just Another Day In Paradise

2007-10-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you for allowing me to borrow your line, Mr. Phil Vassar. Yesterday I was trying to register for my final semester at California Baptist University, with a graduation target of B.A. in English on May 3, 2008. I was told there was a hold on my account and Student Accounts needed to see me. I went in and spoke to a very sweet, professional woman who explained that tuition had gone up $10 per unit, that I no longer received a $500 per semester scholarship, and my loan covered about 80% of my costs, not including books. So I am sitting in this chair and I feel like I took a cheap shot in the back of the head.

My dilemma, is that I am waiting for transcripts of my college experience to get to Jurupa Unified School District so I can be a substitute teacher for the remainder of this school year until I complete my certification process for teaching in California. Jurupa Unified is one of the only Districts that allow substitutes that are not yet certified, but have completed 90 units toward their B.A. degree. CBU has a policy that they will not release transcripts or diploma until a students balance is ZERO. I can't get this job to make money to pay bills without transcipts being released. As Jane said in "Fun With Dick and Jane", "We're in a bit of a pickle, Dick!"

I am applying for another subsidy loan to cover the balance, and if I am approved, then after a little longer wait I will get the sub job to make enough $ to pay back the short term subsidy loan, and then roll on with my plan of teaching high school and making more of this life I have been blessed with.

Camelot - Not

2007-10-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

There are some days when the news is good and positive. These days seem few and far between the muck and yuck of our world today. So I woke this morning and worked on my homework for a couple of hours, attended my first Weight Watchers meeting with my beloved, and spent the afternoon helping my beloved and my two youngest with their homework. Everyday stuff - kind of boring, actually. I listened to my favorite Christian band, Third Day, coming home from school that night.

What could be better? As I await the school district's word on my substitute teaching, I am working diligently on my own school work, but never wanting to fail to be there for my children. Our debt is creeping around us like the weeds in my wife's flower garden. Things within my control, and things completely outside my control are working hard on my self esteem and my confidence, however I have a great feeling in my heart and in my head. What is the cause? Nothing tangible, nothing like the big win by the Rockies in Philadelphia versus the Philllies is at the nucleus of this euphoria. I am really understanding trust in God, I am truly in the zone of God's love, and His grace.

Stuff happens daily. I can be like Thoreau and talk myself up and all others down. I could be Socratic and pick everyone else's ideas apart until there was no answer. I choose to be a follower of Jesus Christ, and while my actions are far from perfection, with a clean and penitent heart I take one step at a time, one day at a time.

2007-09-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

ROLE MODEL 7/07

White Ford Bronco on the highway –
The Heisman trophy sold away –
Ranting athletes to be excused -
From the label overused –
“Role model”

Ballplayers spitting on umpires –
Athletes ignore conduct required
Brawling like thugs on the court or stands –
Put a check in their hands –
“Role models” –

Treating women worse than property–
Disgraced and ignored by Disney -
Sports full of gunshots and stab wounds –
Lawyers and court costs boon –
“Role models”

Drugs for profit, for health, or fun –
To forget when competition is done –
Luring them into strong and faster –
Entitlement is the master
“Role model”

Where have they gone, men of my youth?
Humble men who showed No tooth –
Selfless stones of fiber moral –
Pillars all,
“Role models”

“Say Hey” – Hank - Clemente, we love –
Heroes putting others high above
Both on and off the diamond –
“Role Models” with a special bond -

Two men stand at the open door –
Giving of self rather than egos galore –
The Hall opens up to their deeds –
Role Models

What Does Love Have?

2007-07-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

Love in any language is a most important word.

I have been remarried for 11 + years. The first one was supposed to be magic, mystical, and super - it was none of those. The second one is my last one. She is my soul mate. In addition, I have learned that marriage is a process of working things out, give and more give, and pure devotion and trust.

I am sad to see so many friends struggling with spouses. The Evil One rejoices when discord is any one's anthem from home. I am not preaching or giving advice, because that would make me the hypocrite of hypocrites. It is an observational muse, only an awful feeling of loss. When a man and woman vow before God and their family and friends to become one "'til death do us part," that vow means something. It does not mean that supernatural forces will fix every fight, that personal baggage will magically disappear and not be an issue with spouses. It means that a married couple will try their best to understand and work out problems.

Even if that working out is giving up self for the sake of the marriage, the bond between a man and a woman is sacred and must not be ignored, disgraced, or deceived. Cooperation, communication, and concentration on the other spouse above yourself is the best recipe for a successful marriage.

I love my wife more than human words can express. Unfortunately, I can't even show her a slight measure of my love by my actions. She shows me every day what real love is. Her ability to give and give, get beaten down by her kids, her work, or by me or my problems, and still continue to give and love unconditionally. She is amazing, and I am so lucky. I need to get myself together on a daily basis. This is why my kids, my nieces, and my friends problems all bring me down so far. I personally know how much work it takes, or conversely, how easy it is to destroy if regular maintenance is not administered.

Homesickness

2007-07-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

I miss Denver!

Alleged Bomber Has Family Issues

2007-06-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

Heavens to mergatroid! Logic at the college level is slowly eroding - case in point, this week's re-arrest of the alleged bomber at the UCR graduation. This link is the news story about the incident. The report today on the local news is that this young man went through all these troubles (allegedly) to make sure his parents didn't find out he had dropped out of school long ago.

Explain to me how threatening to blow up a commencement, planting bombs to insure said college graduation is postponed, being arrested and spending a great deal of time in jail would be better than having the folks find out you are a dropout, a liar, and chiseler?

Oh yeah, right, branded as a terrorist, having a prison record and being a national laughingstock is far better than college dropout! His lawyer is already negotiating with record companies for his prison rap cd! rimshot!!

Mother's Day Deserves to Be Special

2007-04-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

My mom deserves a great mansion, servants at her beck-and-call, a climate of sunny days, balmy breezes, and her grand children and great-grand children coming to visit regularly, not staying too long but being ever ready to brighten her day. The reason my mother deserves such a life is because she raised me, the cause of all those gray hairs. As we come to the day set aside to honor our matriarchs, I can not begin to honor my mom enough. I love her so, and I know for a fact that if I could give her all she deserves, she wouldn't accept it anyway.

She is a giver, and most often when given an opportunity to receive, she sheepishly declines. In other words, mom has a hard time taking ANYTHING from others, but she would be the first or at the least second to give time, energy, supplies, or a loving ear or shoulder to someone in need. In my lifetime, I have rarely seen her need someone (other than dad)'s help, but I watch her almost on a daily basis help her church family (the lucky folks at the Disciples of Christ Church in Fort Morgan, Colorado), her immediate family (mother, two sisters and their families, one brother and his family, dad's family, and her son and daughter plus their families), and her extended family, neighbors, and friends past and present.

Mom, you inspire me. I love you so much, and I owe you more than I could ever give back. Thank you, and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

What Is The Fruit On Your Tree?

2007-03-07T06:37:00.000-08:00

With some people there are pages and pages of evidence as to their moral character, regardless of what they profess to be "made of", or "about", or "how they roll". Then, there are others on this 3rd rock from the sun who have just glimpses into their lives, a few shining, or even startling moments that define their character. These actions, whether in abundance or ever so rare, are in religious terms known as "fruits".

It is a small quandary to many people, what kind of fruit their lives produce, because their "spirituality" or "faith" is personal and internal, what they believe is nobody else's business. These folks stand on an island where the terms "personal saviour", "separation of church and state", and "freedom to ..." are bandied about and venerated so as to cloak or exhume their actions, excuse their behavior because the words professed don't mix with the actions portrayed.

There are far less people on our planet that "walk their talk". Responsibility for errors in judgement, the ability to make a hard and unpopular choice even if it is a good or righteous choice. These folks are hard to find today, because the world is looking to beat down or dismiss the good as fraud for the pleasure of the now. Societal norms and mores outweigh Godly parameters set thousands of years ago by Jesus, the son of God, who came to us in a miracle, and left in another, yet humans fail to grasp His importance.

I am not judging everyone here, because I am not naive to the fact that many use their religious beliefs as an eternal and never ending "get out of jail free" card, neatly tucked away, only to be displayed in those moments when absolution from responsibility can be achieved. Not that a motivation for faith in God is fear of punishment, at least in part, but that a relationship with God is more important than the simple dread of eternal castigation.

Like I said earlier, examples of these behaviors are out there. So many examples of people living to their own or societies lack of standards, leading to erosion of character and most often public displays of outrageous behavior. In entertainment, so many are fooled by the popularity, only to fall victim to it. Over and over we read or hear how Anna Nicole Smith was just a trainwreck and yet even after her death more crap about her life continues to surface. Britany's behavior is not exemplary for a mother of two, unless that mother is utterly lost spiritually. Bill Clinton got caught in a stupid lie about an even more stupid situation where he broke sacred vows of marriage, and most folks excused him from those actions "Because everyone does it".

And then in sports we see evidence of the lack of morals and ethics in the BALCO scandal, the "who cares" attitude of baseball fans towards the biggest cheaters of all, while many scoff and exonerate Bonds, Sosa, and McGwire because they've NEVER been caught, while Rafael Palmiero is considered a liar, cheater, and an idiot because he got caught. Floyd Landis is now a footnote instead of Tour de France champion. Leonard Little killed someone with his car, but because he is an all pro NFL player with millions of dollars he is slapped on the wrist. Ron Artest is a punk who is in severe need of help, but his "ballin'" skills are so great he is allowed to be that way.

These are but a "tip of the iceberg" few and they represent millions of people not in the media spotlight everyday, who cheat on their taxes, break driving laws, have sex with people out of a marriage setting, or sit around a table with coffee or sodas and gossip about neighbors or friends to disparage their characters!

This article was originally motivated by the Drew/Coletti feud. As I sit and watch J. D. Drew year after year take millions of dollars from baseball, and miss 1/3 of every season from hangnails to knee pains, I have an opinion that he is not worth the money and aggravation he brings to a team, even though he is obviously a gifted talent on the baseball field. He is known as a Christian guy in the Major League. He isn't a big talker, not prone to interviews, but has a reputation for his spiritual lifestyle. This strong Christian man has the number two agent in the hierarchy of slimy creeps that one could employ. Only next to Drew Rosenhaus is Scott Boros second place in being a scum bag. Boros is Drew's agent.

That said, the Dodgers GM, Ned Coletti was quoted in the LA Times pertaining to Drew. Coletti, speaking about Drew, said of the whole "opting out" of his big contract last year for bigger money was not good for the Dodgers, and then took a shot at Drew saying that Drew is ""a spiritual guy and a man of his word," Colletti said at the time. "I guess he changed his word."" It is only my opinion, but I believe that Ned Coletti is not the great person he was touted to be. He may be a great talent evaluator, and good with the economics of a baseball team, but his communication skills leave much to be desired. Disparaging a man's spiritual nature because he legally voided his contract in which your employer, Mr. Coletti, signed and allowed J. D. to do, that is like saying stupid stuff like Biden and John Kerry have said.

Finally, J. D. is not lily white in this thing either. This would not be an issue if Mr. Drew was "walking his talk". I can't change Mr. Drew's behavior, but I look inside my own life and things are exposed. I don't want to be called a hypocrite, like J. D. I want to be thought of as a man who's fruit is from a Godly, upright, and happy tree.

Right Knows No Time Limits

2007-02-26T14:51:00.000-08:00

There are those who try to convince us that "New and Improved" is the way society moves. It is easy to find all kinds of literature, both old and contemporary, that assures man of this: God is in control, and man is still searching for avenues of holiness and salvation. Many try to make religion a spiritual smorgasbord, picking and choosing pieces of the gospel they are comfortable with, and eliminating facets of scripture that are hardest to follow. There are a plethora of different "flavors" of religious belief. There are an equal amount of people who see the Bible as God's communication with man and the substance of their spiritual foundation.

Men like Thomas Browne, a renowned writer of seventeenth century England, in an essay titled Religio Medici has the same grasp of Christianity that we find in the 21st century. "...I am of that reformed new-cast religion, wherein I dislike nothing but the name; of the same belief our Saviour taught, the apostles disseminated, the fathers authorized, and the martyrs confirmed;..." and then goes on to say how politicians, the rich and powerful, and society in general have corrupted the world and it's religion. Browne stands in a gap - he's not anti-Catholic or anti-Puritan. Today's examples of those men are Chuck Swindoll, James Dobson, and Rick Warren.

Today many see the promises of God as a list of "THOU SHALT NOTS". Christians see change as a necessity. The term in the Bible is Repentance. It is not a change of convenience, but a change of heart and mind. Religion is not a spiritual bakery where you stand at the counter to pick and choose. Mary Baker Eddy, Joseph Smith, and Tom Cruise are just examples of Mr. Browne’s non-orthodoxy. Confucius said "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change." C. S. Lewis said, "It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." I hope to stand in the gap, where the true faith and spiritual well being of man is located, not in man's didactic overhaul of Scripture.

Loving Learning and Life

2007-02-22T10:49:00.000-08:00

I am a very lucky man. The adage is oh, so true: "It's better to be lucky than good." I was given another chance, could be the 100th, and my wonderful, beautiful, and intelligent wife has backed me up, supported me, and even prodded me at times toward this career I am working toward. The best metaphor of my life is a "trip tik" from AAA auto club. A map with the starting point, taking a specific road, to a destination.

I am traveling down an educational superhighway, California Baptist University, with my little stops every semester, and a big stop at the Bachelor of Arts degree, turning toward a classroom as yet unknown, teaching English, life, and anything else they need to a group of unusually ungrateful teenagers as my destination. I look back and see the paths I've taken until now, and while I had minimal successes, overall my life up to now was in the category of potential, not production. Luckily, man is given the ability to change. I now have just one more year until I can realize a personal dream of a career, not just a job, or a dream.

It has been quite a journey to figure out what I could do, put my energy into it, and actually complete the task. Ministry was my idea, as all the roadblocks to success have proven. In fact, hindsight has shown me that once I dropped the idea of full time Christian ministry, the peace that captured me and the ability to move on in my life helped me out of the pit I was in. Never have I felt so free, so vital, and so important as when I was working toward this teaching credential.

Who Will Tell Them

2007-02-02T18:14:00.000-08:00

written in 1991 by me

Oh Father, how do they ignore You?
After all You've done for them -
Will they ever learn,
Will they ever learn?

A little boy in the yard at play,
three years young -
needlessly taken away
by a lone stray gang's bullet -

Why don't these young men know
Jesus loves them so -
Who will tell them?

Oh Father, why do we ignore You?
After all You've done for us -
Will we ever learn,
Will we ever learn?

A young girl looks for some love to feel -
The baby has come -
Now the responsibility's real -
And she's more lonely!

Why can't this poor mom see
Jesus will always be
Her peace and salvation -

Oh Father, how can I forsake You?
After all You've done for me -
Will I ever learn,
Will I ever learn?

A Moment In My Life

2007-01-28T17:52:00.000-08:00

written in 2006 by me

FALLING
I can not see the ground -
My head held so high -
Can't grab my balance -
My bones hit hard and hurt -

LAYING
Cold, Unforgiving ground -
My head is heavy -
Movement is impossible -
Pain sears through my body -

RISING
Looking up toward the horizon -
I catch a vision -
Strength returns to my legs -
Back to my feet, ready to go!

I Know I am Missing It

2007-01-23T13:30:00.000-08:00

Imagine your favorite one and only sports team that matters is winning, and is on a road to the biggest game of the season. This could be their year! The anticipation, the excitement, and the euphoria would be incredibly large. Emotions other than happy pale in your head and heart. That is all well and good if you don't suffer with depression. Chronic depression sucks!

A friend of mine took his own life last week because he was sick of "the fear and anxiety of living this way every day." This was a quote from his note he left his wife of 17 years, a note apologizing, explaining, and genuinely loving his wife and family. He was very smart, very funny, and talented to boot. He loved his wife, his sister, and his brother, and his Indianapolis Colts. The fact that I didn't know he was sick, and I couldn't help gets to me. The fact that he was suffering so, so deeply and just couldn't handle life, that is more deeply troubling to me and harder to understand.

For years as we watched the Colts we thought of Jim. He lived for them in good and bad times. He was a great photographer, winning awards for pictures taken. He was an outdoors man, and a very fun party guy. Esoterically, an observer would see he had so much to live for. But how could anyone know what evil is in another one's head? This world is such a puzzle, and personally, I can't wait for Christ's return so I could solve it.

A little research tells me that more than 10 million Americans suffer with this malady. There is no cure. There are treatment options, but in some cases that isn't good enough.

Good bye Jim, you will be missed. Thank you for giving me a little insight into your hell on earth. I pray sincerely that your peace is eternal, and your glory is at the feet of the Father.

Actions Speak Louder

2007-01-10T12:46:00.000-08:00

Philosophy can be a very annoying profession. Much like politicians, philosophers sits on their collective rumpus maximus' and lets everyone know what is wrong with everything, yet they DO very little to change outside of intellectually berating the world. I am not against politicians per say, because the ultimate goal of politics in this country is SERVICE for others to better the country. The occupation of politician has morphed more into a job of plausible deniability and general promises in order to unseat an opponent or keep your seat. However, this is a rant about philosophy.

I have a made a limited study of philosophers of all sorts. I say limited, because in all I have studied I know there are ten or one hundred more that I have not read, do not know about, and therefore my search is not exhaustive. Nevertheless, philosophers as an occupation are spineless whiners who have no problem finding fault with the goings-on, and ever so rarely step up with their actions actually attempt to better their world.

Passive resistance like going to prison for their beliefs or oppression financially or socially due to the thoughts and communications of "great" philosophers of the past could be construed as actions worthy of my criteria, but I believe that they are weak attempts to martyrdom. What would be so hard about saying, "This needs to be changed," and then living life in a way that went with hand-in-hand with their words? The entire Christianity movement could be broadly considered a philosophy, but for my argument the Christian faith is a lifestyle, thus disqualifying it as a sedentary philosophy.

To bottom line this, most philosophers either try to overcomplicate things to show off their immense intelligence, or try to verbally berate something in order to "prove" its lack of merit. For instance, religion is very easy to see where philosophers either run from it or attempt to disprove God's existence, due to their perception of God's restrictions on mankind, or they argue its irrelevance and try to update it to fit their personal needs and problems.

While it is true that many very intelligent people have had no ability to work toward any type of societal change and either wrote or spoke or both to get people to see the errors of their ways, other great people let their actions match their words - like Gerald Ford, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr.-these are examples of folks who stood against the popular and acted according to their words. Not one of these folks was ever called philosophers, yet they all lived a great community philosophy.

As I reread this for punctuation and spelling, I can also see where my clarity has been slightly led askew. I don't condemn philosophy as a profession, but philosophers who sit and DO NOTHING. I don't condemn politics, but politicians who don't do what they claim.

Something to Scare the Critters Away

2007-01-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

I know it's scary, but it must be here to prove a point. I hate my face, and pictures of it just remind me of how "yuck" it is. Anywho, here I am. Notice that the 12 year old has the exact hairline as the 40 year old. Hooray! The fact is, the mustache photo is now ten years old, since there isn't one in existence more current.

"For Me to Live is Christ, to Die is Gain"

2007-01-02T15:22:00.000-08:00

Good Bye, Darrent.

The apostle Paul knew his role on earth, and he told the Philippian church he was focused on what was important. How amazing to be Christ's ambassador on earth, and how wonderful to be in heaven at the feet of God.

Darrent's mother is in the news as she remembers and grieves for her dead son. She thought that Darrent did more in his short life than most, and she attempted to understand his abrupt and heinous end to his life when she told reporters, "maybe that's why he did so much because he knew his time on Earth was limited."

Doing good things, making people smile, these are the qualities of a life well lived. And the fruits of the labors of a man bear witness to the heart of the man. "Dee" Williams gave us all a lesson in living. Too bad some insignificant, immature, punks took his life from us too early.

One Down, One to Go

2006-12-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

As the completion of my first full year of college since WHAM was a band comes to a close, let me publicly thank my wife for her amazing support and inspiration through this grueling twelve months. I don't know why, but she truly loves me. I am a lucky, lucky man.

Thank you to California Baptist University for the quality of education that is helping me improve my abilities, increase my knowledge, and impressing on me the need to think critically about life in general and my world specifically.

My youngest three children (the ones still at home) deserve a big thank you for being more self-sufficient this year, allowing me to spend my time on my studies.

I calculated roughly that in this last year I have read over 25,000 pages of printed material (I am an English major), and have written more than 1000 pages of analytic papers for composition, literature classes, second language teaching, and linguistics. To students at other schools that may not be an extensive amount, but it was ten times as much stuff done in a twelve month period as I had done throughout the thirteen years of public school and ten years of college combined.

Looking forward, this year to come will be more literature classes, language, three education classes and my final senior project. This time next year I'll be pondering which school to do my student teaching. I'll have taken my CSET tests, and I'll be ready to rock and roll. Have a GREAT year. I know I will.

Happiest of Holidays

2006-12-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

to the three members of my family that read this -

Happy Festivus (for the rest of us)Thank you for reading!

How Many Times Can a Man Not Act Like a Man . . .

2006-11-20T19:57:00.000-08:00

. . . before we realize he is not a man at all? Just because a human male has reached the age of puberty, simply made it to their eighteenth birthday, been allowed by law to be emancipated, does not equate to the ability to be a man. I am not talking about guys who in their immaturity repent, stop acting the "macho" fool, and begin to humbly walk with God. I am also not talking about those who so radically and passionately oppose God and His ways. I am writing today about those who are so full of their own folly, so blinded by pride and ignorance that they wash back and forth, finding a comfortable wave to take them in one direction or the next. Males that in actuality stand for nothing, and talk as if they stood for everything. Males that when push come to shove, look out only for their own pleasures, rights, and needs. Women and children be forgotten - you do not exist to such a creature, nor does responsibility, morality, or any creed save "It IS all about me!"

I tried to be that kind of guy when I first left home as a nineteen year old kid. Unfortunately (or actually FORTUNATELY) I was raised not to be that selfish, hedonistic jerk and that lifestyle became extinct to me before my twenty first birthday. It isn't as if I am preaching the evils of something I know nothing about. I hurt many people, people with potential and good in them, that may never get there because of my actions as a stupid kid.

What is more the pity are the males in their twenties, thirties, and even forties that still live this way, leaving children fatherless, leaving good women searching for love and sticking with any reasonable facsimile they can find. I have had it with boys who got my daughters, my nieces, and their friends pregnant, and either flew the coop, or preyed on the ladies needs and bring nothing to the relationship except the "me first" attitude. The latent masculine behavior in me wishes to beat them all into little submissive piles of protoplasm, however I can see that that is not the correct solution. That would be groveling down to their level, and would solve nothing.

Being an example of positive, manly behavior hasn't sparked any change either. Therefore I must access that these jerks with the XY chromosomes will not change, and I cannot effect that change. So the change must happen inside of my heart. How can I reach out to those they leave hurting in the wake of this "macho" bull? That is my dilemma. Being a Godly man is so much more than saying your prayers and going to church. Although those parts are important - The man born blind that was healied by Jesus in John 9 told the Pharisees and other men attacking his credibility that ". . . God does not listen to sinners, but to the Godly man who does His will" (John 9:31 NIV). Paul told the Romans that God has been producing evidence of His existence, His power and His love for humanity since the creation, so no one is without excuse for their disobedient behavior (Romans 1:18 NIV).

I am sick of punks and thugs being idiots and laying blame at the feet of manliness. It is a pretty shallow and pathetic individual that refuses to grow, or adapt, if you feel more comfortable with that expression, and ACT like a man by forgiving, communicating those differences, even treating women and children as precious commodities and not trophies on a shelf.

My Dad, My Hero

2006-11-18T23:27:00.000-08:00

Paul, the apostle, wrote to the church of Corinth, and in that letter he spoke these words: “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” My father is the greatest man from my earliest recollection. His example is my brightest light. There were a few years of confusion on my part, during my teen years about my role, and my father’s role in our family. I was a bitter, unthinking teenager. Now I can see my dad as he always has been – a quiet, strong, wise, Godly man. He is totally the man I want to be like.I remember my dad on all fours, down on the floor, letting me climb all over him resembling a jungle gym, gently wrestling with me, pinning me down, then letting me escape. I played with him after he got home from work – this was the highlight of my day. There was the time dad and I were practicing soccer and I was working on my goalie skills. Dad was shooting, trying to score on me, and we were playing in our backyard. The back door of our house led from the backyard to the dining room. The house floor plan was open, with the living room to the right of the door, and straight through the dining room was the kitchen. The half of the house where the back door, dining room, living room and front door were had large plate glass windows to let in maximum light. The width of the inside of the house, from wall to wall was about 25 feet. Outside, there were bricks from the ground up to and around the window, and due to the hilly terrain, the bottom of the dining room window was 5 feet up from the lawn. Dad was really trying to spray the ball around the “goal area”, and he was making it more and more difficult for me. Then, because I must have been doing really well, he put some “stank on it”. He kicked the ball through dining room picture window, blasting shards from the 8 foot wide, 4 foot high glass pane throughout the dining room, kitchen, and all the way to the wall 25 feet across the living room. After we rushed in the back door to check on my mother and little sister’s safety, we found the soccer ball flat as a pancake, punctured from its horrific ordeal. He didn’t dare laugh then, because mom was very angry. We did laugh in the car after the mess was cleaned up, though, when we went to the hardware store for a new window!

He taught me to play chess, so I could use my brains more productively than sitting on them watching the Lone Ranger and Batman on television. We would sometimes play for hours, and I sincerely don’t remember winning very many matches, (an approach he has changed nowadays with his grandkids) but I won one or two out of every ten. He wouldn’t just sit and play. He would teach me strategy, teach me about being patient, and always remind me to think things through. Not very often I would actually take what he said to heart, but those seeds he planted eventually germinated, took root and grew. My favorite time with my dad was when he took me to Bronco games at the famous Mile High Stadium in Denver, Colorado. We saw many games and other sights associated with those games together. With dad I saw the effects of alcoholism on men in downtown Denver, where they would stumble around or sit on the sidewalk as we walked from the parking lot to the stadium, and as always my dad would give me things to think about, never making fun or putting these individuals down. There were all the people that like us came to cheer and boo rabidly at the Bronco game. I remember all the colorful phrases I would hear, and then be told by my dad that those never will come from my mouth, because my consequences would be severe – mom would never let me go to another game. I can still remember the games, the great plays, and the way I felt, having that much fun with my dad!I always saw my dad as a big man. He grew up on a farm, and could literally throw a 75 pound bale of hay over his head with either hand. His hands and forearms were bigger than anyone else I knew personally, but dad didn’t show off or wear shirts that did either. His character was consistent. Horace Greeley, the famous New York newspaper editor, said, "Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, and only character endures." This aptly describes my father. It is easier to describe his character traits than his physical attributes. He was usually very quiet, always a great listener and he would give sound, Godly advice, or the shirt off his back if someone asked for either. He was just 5’ 10” tall, and only weighed 155 pounds.During my sophomore year of high school, the Shangri-la I shared with my father went dark. I was hip-deep in trigonometry, chemistry, and self-pity because of a knee surgery that kept me from playing all sports. One night when dad got home from work, I was in dire need of his private tutoring. My dad was an engineer who worked for the Federal government, taking care of dams, rivers, and lakes. He was a math whiz. As I remember back, he had a remarkable way of breaking down every problem into understandable parts, like the cars he would repair for neighbors and church friends.As I asked for help, and he told me that my little sister needed his help first. He might as well have said, “You are no longer important to me.” My heart heard his response and lied to my ears. His words were “wait”, but I was too selfish. Like when Willie Mays caught the shot off Vic Wertz’s bat in the 1954 World Series, robbing Wertz of his extra base hit and rbi - my glory was stolen, and my dad didn’t want to help me anymore.I thought, “Fine, I’ll show you.” From that day forward, I ceased all homework. That was ample punishment for my father, I thought. Coincidentally, my dad’s job was taking him out of town three out of every four weeks, traveling the country. My grades dropped significantly, but they didn’t disappear out of sight. I graduated with a 2.55 GPA, thanks to art and music classes. Boy, I taught my dad a lesson. My “A” average from 7th, 8th, and 9th grade was never seen again.

Since my needs were not met, I sought to punish my father. Ironically, the punishment was seriously against me.As the punishment continued, more of my heart and my life pulled away from my dad. I became a college student, far away from home, and I never took school serious. Then, like the one-armed juggler of chainsaws, I made an error in judgment. A fellow college girl, on a hunt for attention and acceptance, found me, a raging hormone with more than designs on anything in a skirt, and one night two stupid kids committed parenthood. As if my conservative, Bible-believing family needed more public embarrassment, I undoubtedly topped myself. I was unmarried, with no desire to change that status, and was expecting a baby with a girl I, if truth be told, didn’t like at all. To add insult to injury, I lied and denied the precept that the baby could even be mine. In the middle of all this, my dad not only stood by me, he also turned up the love and took care of me.The disappointment continued as the young lady carrying my baby agreed with me that we should not get married. The process of “doing right by the girl” was not in our minds, but it was foremost in our family. When my first child, Jessica, was almost two, her mom told me she wanted to marry an Air Force Academy graduate, and he wanted to adopt Jessica. After much prayer and devotion, I made a very hard choice. As hard as it was giving up paternal rights to my girl, it was best for her. She would grow up in a whole family. This decision also hurt my father. Nevertheless, neither he nor my mom ever even balked at loving me.As years went by, I met a young lady, fell in love, and married. We made a choice to leave Colorado and move to California, packing up our 5 month old son, and leaving both of our families. Four years later, she and I were separated on the road to divorce; she had a new boyfriend, and our five year old son was left confused and hurt. This all took place 1200 miles from my dad. He never got down on me or Mary, my ex-wife. He didn’t take sides, and he was always supportive.

He is still as amazing today. Months past and I met Pam. She was divorced with three kids. We grew to love each other greatly, and with our four children we decided to make a family together. We added two children of our own. My dad loves every kid as if they were his favorite. He showed me that labels are for the weak and unstable, so Pam and I have never used “half” or “step” to describe any of our family relationships.My dad told me he was proud of me when Pam and I moved into our house in Riverside, California. All the roads I have traveled, all the mistakes I have made, everything pales to the love he continues to show me. The funny thing is I have known for quite a while that he loved me, even through the course of all those hiccups of my life. We talk nowadays more than we did during my high school years. I have heard many people talk about going back and re-living part of your life over. My dad practiced the words of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” He tried his best to teach me as well. Unfortunately, it took years to soak in. Now I know that is what I am supposed to do. If I went back, it would be to re-live that one moment, that day when my dad said “later” and I heard “never”. My hero, my most tangible example of Christ-likeness, was never out of bounds, but I was. I would be closer still today, and I would know him even better if I could just go back.

Divorce Creates the "Kafkaesque" Situation

2006-11-16T08:56:00.000-08:00

It was many years ago, but the pain of my divorce is like a scabbed cut on my arm that I bump from time to time, it breaks open and hurts so bad, and never quite heals and scars over. In Kafka'a The Metamorphosis, Gregor is changed into a giant bug, and his family slowly changes in their attitudes and behaviors toward him and themselves.

Supposedly, this story is classic "must read" literature. When my wife left me and took my son, I felt like I was not human, I could not speak intelligently to people, and I felt like I should just find a dark corner and hide most of the time. Gregor eventually became a non-factor to his family, and they went on without him. That is how I felt after my divorce.

The Ultimate Feel Good Story

2006-11-15T00:48:00.000-08:00

The Story of Job from the Old testament of the Bible is one that gives us insight into God's heart. He did not create robots, or mental and emotional slaves, but in mankind God gave us a will to choose following Him, or to go another path. Any person on the planet with a pulse knows that when someone truly LOVES with their whole heart the atmosphere surrounding them is sweeter, more joyful than following out of duty, obligation, or force. Job was given many trials to withstand and at the end of the story he was rewarded. That is a feel good story from classic literature.

The all knowing "who's who" of literature that deem certain passages better than others, certain authors above others, and the "classics" in that group of stories and books many times are searching, searching for truths, for directions, or for inner most feelings. Most of the great writers of history had holes in their personalities, or their psyches that caused them great anguish and suffering in which they wrote about. Melville's inability to commit to God, Dostoevsky's gambling addiction causing his poor station (monetarily) in life, Dickinson's insecurity, Kafka's, unwillingness to live under anothers authority, to mention just a few - these giants of the literary world have gifts 'far beyond those of mortal men.'

I truly wish I could write about the fantastic voyage my life has taken. I would tell how God has blessed me in the face of my selfish ways, my stubborn actions and my ignorant ideals. I have seven beautiful and healthy children today. They all have their own stories of struggles and strife, some stemming from my inability as a parent, but most just the breaks of being human. In the book of Matthew 5:45, Jesus said that God makes the sun to shine on both the good and the evil, and rain on the righteous and the unrighteous man or woman. In the seven children I have raised, helped raise, or just fathered, there are a myriad of maladies, and personal issues that would make many folks quiver with fear. A parent lives on the edge every day praying to whatever Deity that their children are safe and healthy, and mine have had malignant tumors in their head, Severe Combined Immune Deficiency Syndrome, an aortic valve malfunction, infected cysts on the brain, crossed eyes, and extra fingers and toes. Although these kids all had their burdens, along with divorced parents, today I have seven healthy kids, four high school graduates so far, three to go, one college grad, and two gorgeous grandchildren.

Let me make this perfectly clear, I take no credit for their fortunate health, but I worried and grieved as each one went through their own ordeals. God's grace kept my mind intact and helped get my wife and I through every trial. Those kids are my life, and regardless of status, whether step child, first marriage, adopted or second marriage, there is nothing I would not give for them or to them for their benefit!